It's All About the Calories Stupid!
In spite of what the mean, jealous and angry girls in the old FA movement would like you to believe gaining and maintaining is all about calories in vs calories out. If you want to get fat you simply have to eat more food high in calories. If you want to lose weight you simply need to eat less calories. If you want to maintain you need to eat the correct about of calories.
Tips and Tricks
1. Eat a lot but don't eat often. While this may sound counter intuitive, it isn't. Eating actually increases your metabolic rate and it keeps you from being ravenously hungry.
2. Don't move anymore that you absolutely must. Moving burns precious calories.
3. While you cannot avoid all fruits and vegetable remember that fiber takes up space and it take a lot of energy to digest. If you get constipated have your feeder give you a laxative or an enema. Enemas are fun.
4 If I have said it once I have said it 10000000 times - FAT FATTENS BEST! Fat contains a whooping 9 calories per gram whereas carbohydrates and proteins contain a paltry 4 calories per gram.
5. Sleep a with a blanket or at least a sheet over you. Your giant body surface loses massive amounts of of heat. Heat = Calories!
6. Use your diabetes! Take a little extra insulin to spike your appetite.
7. Look for fast food bargains and specials.
8. Replace your half & half with cream.
9. Watch the Food Network of Fatspiration.
10. Find a good food delivery service.
Now for some truly non-thinspirational words from our good friend friend Coach Gains.
Coach Nestor Gains: Nobel Prize and Taco Bell Prize winning eating coach.
If you see a pound's been lost, don't give up at any cost. KEEP ON EATING! - Coach Gains
EAT! - Coach Gains
1 2 3 4 you can eat a whole lot more. 5 6 7 8 hurry up and clean your plate. - Coach Gains
Enough with the rabbit food; vegetables are what food eats. - Coach Gains
Welcome to the Metabolic Ballpark!
Ladies first.
Here are the metabolic numbers for slightly active women age 35. If you are older than 35 the numbers will be slightly lower and if you are younger than 35 the numbers will be slightly higher. The same holds true for men.
At 100 pounds
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 960 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 480 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 1440 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 1152 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 576 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 1728 per day
At 140 pounds
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 1344 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 672 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 2016 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 1344 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 672 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 2016 per day
At 180 pounds... a mere pup
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 1728 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 864 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 2592 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 1920 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 960 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 2880 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 2112 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 1056 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 3168 per day
At 240 pounds...... Now you're getting the idea!
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 2304 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 1152 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 3456 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 2496 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 1248 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 3744 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 2688 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 1344 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 4032 per day
At 300 pounds...... You've come a long way baby!
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 2880 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 1440 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 4320 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 3360 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 1680 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 5040 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 3840 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 1920 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 5761 per day
At 450 pounds.... True dedication!
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 4320 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 2160 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 6481 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 4800 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 2400 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 7201 per day
At 600 pounds
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 5761 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 2880 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 8641 per day
At 700 pounds PERFECTION!
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 6721 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 3360 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 10081 per day
Note. Men have slightly higher metabolic rates than women.
At 160 pounds
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 1706 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 853 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 2560 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 1920 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 960 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 2880 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 2133 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 1066 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 3200 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 2347 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 1173 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 3520 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 2560 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 1280 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 3840 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 2773 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 1386 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 4160 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 2987 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 1493 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 4480 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 3200 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 1600 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 4800 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 3734 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 1867 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 5601 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 4267 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 2133 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 6401 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 4800 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 2400 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 7201 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 5334 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 2667 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 8001 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 6401 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 3200 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 9601 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 7468 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 3734 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 11202 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 8534 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 4267 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 12802 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 9601 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 4800 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 14402 per day
- Resting (basal) metabolic rate: 10668 calories per day
- Typical daily activities: 5334 calories per day
- Total calories burned: 16002 per day
100 pound woman.
600 pound woman with 170 pound man.
1000 pound man.
I hope our readers find this somewhat bland but data filled article useful. Weight loss guru CG Brady recommends that dieters restrict their calories no lower than their basal metabolic rate so I suppose it would follow that gainers should increase their calories to double the basal metabolic rate. I will defer to the more erudite and esteemed "Dr" Gerald "Teddy" Bear for an expert recommendation. After all he is the world's foremost authority on science of gaining. Watch the comment section for "Dr" Bear's wisdom.
Proud FA you skinny hunk,
ReplyDeleteI did not find your article boring at all. It was fatspirational!
You are SOOOOOOOOOOOO hot and SOOOOOOO smart! I would pay you to feed me and fuck me. One of the NAAFA girls I know told me you were hung like a mule. MMMMMMM!!!
Write me at HotRotunda@aol.com
@ Rotunda,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words.
I am in a committed relationship with Thinnette so my days of porking fat girls are over. Many feeders read this blog so keep checking. Perhaps one of my student feeders will feed and pork you.
Perhaps my good friend Coach Gains will drop you a line.
Great article!
ReplyDeleteHey Rotunda, I'll feed you! :-)
Proud FA said,
ReplyDeleteI hope our readers find this somewhat bland but data filled article useful. Weight loss guru CG Brady recommends that diets restrict their calories no more than their basal metabolic rate so I suppose it would follow that gainers should increase their calories to double the basal metabolic rate. I will defer to the more erudite and esteemed "Dr" Gerald "Teddy" Bear for an expert recommendation. After all he is the world's foremost authority on science of gaining. Watch the comment section for "Dr" Bear's wisdom.
*************************************
Buddy, I agree with the others. You wrote a great article. You nailed it!
Also I think it would be wise to get Dr Bear's input on a gaining schedule.
I would have to add in my two cents about proper gaining. It's true that "fat fattens best", because fat has the most calories per gram- however, you will achieve a longer lifespan if you are not obsessed with getting as fat as possible as quickly as possible.
ReplyDeleteDr. Bear now probably weighs about 475 pounds, yet he has no health problems. How? He eats mostly healthy food, just large portions of it. He eats baked fish with lots of omega fatty acids or whatever, rather than just eating sticks of butter.
I think that a gradual gain is healthier, because it gives your heart more time to adjust to it and build up, and also because I think it will mean that your arteries won't get as clogged up from all the cholesterol and fat.
I have a few theories on proper gaining, one is known as the Grazenheimer Technique. It involves bringing bags of of unsalted pretzels with you and eating them mindlessly on the go, rather than focusing on just one giant meal. Then you also eat big meals. Life expectancy is about 65 years.
The other is the sumo technique, where you work out for 4 hours when you wake up, then eat a 2000 to 3000 calorie meal of chankonabe, take a 3 hour nap, then work out another 3 or 4 hours, then eat another giant meal, and that's it for the day. That way you get to be healthy from the exercise, yet also morbidly obese because the overeating counteracts it. You get to be fit AND fat! Life expectancy is about 75 years.
The other technique is called the Belly Boy Technique. This is where you eat loads of fast food about 6 times per day, drink 3 to 4 six-packs per day, and don't exercise at all. Life expectancy is about 30 years.
Proud FA's "fat fattens best" routine will get you fat maximally fast, more or less, but you probably won't live more than 10 years from when you start his program, if you keep it up.
Regards,
Big Lard Ass
I spoke with CG Brady and he reminded me of the book Eat More Weigh Less. Eating does increase metabolism. While the Grazenhiemer method will give results you probably have to eat more calories due to the increased metabolic rate.
ReplyDeleteThe Eatenberger method says to stuff as much as you can. It will make you drowsy and you will sleep.
While the Belly Boy method may decrease life expectancy a good doctor could mitigate some of that that with medication.
To me the Grazenhiemer Technique of eating unsalted pretzels may be a tough method for your run of the mill fatling to follow. Most of us fatlings like variety.
Fat Fattens Best will work with monsaturated fats mixed with beef, lamb and pork fat. Proud used to tube feed using canola oil. He'd pour a gallon or two into his BBW's. It's a quick and cheap feed. That is true power gaining. Their bellies would swell and they would whine and moan. Proud FA really got turned on by that. He once plumped a BBW up 57 pounds in a month and he porked her every day as a reward being a good little piggy.
The Sumo method is tried and true. That would be my method if choice but without the physical training. Sumos are great gainers but I'm a purist and I would have to add junk food to the mix. Americans are the world's best gainers and junk food is the breakfast, snack, brunch, snack lunch, snack, dinner, snack and supper of champions.
We really need to hear from Teddy on this. He is the world's foremost expert on hyper obesity nutrition.
Good evening everybody.
ReplyDeleteWell, I do have to disagree with what Proud FA says about vegetables.
For the sake of health, you do need to eat some vegetables and fresh fruit.
I watched a documentary last night on The National Geographic Channel about King Henry VIII and in his later years he was in very bad health.
He was about 6 feet 1 inch tall and weighed about 400 pounds. He measured 52 inches around the chest and 56 inches around the waist.
Now I weigh about 400 pounds, but I'm much shorter, about 5 feet 6 inches so I'm 7 inches shorter than he was, and I measure 56 inches around my chest and 64 inches around my waist, so I'm actually fatter than King Henry VIII was.
But I'm in much better health, because I do get plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables.
King Henry VIII believed that vegetables were only for peasants because they could not afford meat and the only fruit he would eat was strawberries. Otherwise, he ate mostly pork and lots of sweets like fancy cakes and he put loads of sugar in his wine. Yes, he was diabetic, having Type 2 Diabetes, but it could have been controlled with proper diet and some exercise, the only way to control it back them because insulin was not available like it is today.
So, he ate mostly crap that was bad for him.
Also, he was mean and aggressive and psychotic with paranoid delusions.
Where as I'm more gentle and docile, and in much better health even though I'm fatter. That's because I eat lots of vegetables along with my meat.
OK, now change of subject.
I have been very busy lately. There is another issue that is very important to me, concerning Academic and intellectual freedom.
As you all know, I live in the State of Texas, and the Texas Board of Education (or should I say, Indoctrination?) had voted on the school text books that will be used for the next 10 years.
Some right-wing religious Funny-mentalist whack-job, a Dentist by the name of Don McLeroy and some of his fellow whackos have voted to remove any mention of Thomas Jefferson from the history text books and replace him with John Calvin, a 16 century raving fanatic who had people tortured to death if they didn't believe in his religious views.
Chairman McLeroy has been voted out of the Texas Board of Education, but it's too late, because these right-wing nut cases voted on the text books that will be used for the next 10 years.
So, I have been studying this situation, and subscribing to Newsletters on this most important issue, and I have been downloading many YouTube educational videos on Darwin's Theory of Evolution, which I happen to support.
So, I have been very busy with other issues.
One more thing Teddy,
ReplyDeleteYou wear so many hats. You are an artist, bariatric nutritionist, obesity theorist, social critic, fat studies expert, fat activist and now you are fighting for the 1st amendment. Once again, Bigger Fatter Blog salutes you!!
GIVE EM HELL!
Dear Fat Bastard,
ReplyDeleteWhat I meant to say about the Grazenheimer Technique is that you could eat other things than unsalted pretzels, such as doritos, almonds, lay's potato chips, whatever keeps your mouth chewing and adds more calories over the course of the day.
The Grazenheimer Technique is better for fatlings with lower stomach capacities, such as those who have narrow bone structures and their stomachs can only hold a fraction of what yours or mine can.
Regarding the canola oil feeding sessions, that sounds pretty interesting. Did you know that canola oil was originally called rapeseed oil? I'm not making that up. Anyway, it adds a lot of calories per gram, that's for sure, and it is cheap and if you ask her to funnel it, she can down massive amounts of calories very rapidly.
If Proud FA had kept feeding her at that rate she would weigh an additional 700 lbs by the end of the year, more or less. Sexy! He would have had to buy canola oil by the barrel, though. A barrel contains about 44 gallons. Then she would just get very tired and sleepy from digesting the calories, and from being boned by Proud, and fall into a deep deep slumber.
In Marituria, obesity is highly valued among young women, and before they get married they usually go before fatteners, who are older women who specialize in making them become obese so that they can get married. I wonder what techniques they use- they have been doing this for many years, so perhaps they have secrets of gaining that would be useful to us.
Regards,
Big Lard Ass
Big Lard Ass said...
ReplyDeleteDear Fat Bastard,
What I meant to say about the Grazenheimer Technique is that you could eat other things than unsalted pretzels, such as doritos, almonds, lay's potato chips, whatever keeps your mouth chewing and adds more calories over the course of the day.
The Grazenheimer Technique is better for fatlings with lower stomach capacities, such as those who have narrow bone structures and their stomachs can only hold a fraction of what yours or mine can.
Regarding the canola oil feeding sessions, that sounds pretty interesting. Did you know that canola oil was originally called rapeseed oil? I'm not making that up. Anyway, it adds a lot of calories per gram, that's for sure, and it is cheap and if you ask her to funnel it, she can down massive amounts of calories very rapidly.
If Proud FA had kept feeding her at that rate she would weigh an additional 700 lbs by the end of the year, more or less. Sexy! He would have had to buy canola oil by the barrel, though. A barrel contains about 44 gallons. Then she would just get very tired and sleepy from digesting the calories, and from being boned by Proud, and fall into a deep deep slumber.
In Marituria, obesity is highly valued among young women, and before they get married they usually go before fatteners, who are older women who specialize in making them become obese so that they can get married. I wonder what techniques they use- they have been doing this for many years, so perhaps they have secrets of gaining that would be useful to us.
Regards,
Big Lard Ass
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Rev, your point is well taking. Small meals may increase caloric absorption efficiency. Fat girls love Doritos, especially the Cool Ranch Doritos with some Cheese Wiz.
I am familiar with the fattening techniques used their in Marituria and I can't say that I agree nor does Proud FA. They torture little girls who if encouraged with goodies would get fat on their ter food own. If they had a better food there they would not have to the torture little girls. They give feedersim a bad name.
To me force fed fatlings are simply unnatural. They are like fake breasts. Men who pork fat girls prefer free ranging girl gluttons.
Dear Fat Bastard,
ReplyDeleteI think it is cool though that their culture requires obesity and that being a FA is considered normal. But that's just me.
I can see your point about the forced feederism aspect being wrong, but on the other hand I think that living in a society that appreciates fat people is a good thing. Also the health factors don't come into play as much because people there die young anyway. I think it should be voluntary, though, but that society should give you benefits if you choose to become obese.
We differ on this point. I think fat people deserve more than normals or thinlings because we weigh more. I see the spiritual side of things - the human soul exists only within fat tissue, not other types of tissues. Therefore, fat people have more of a soul and more spiritual prowess than thinlings, who have very little. (No offense to Thinnette.)
Anyway, as I have developed my religion and have spread it like butter across a piece of bread, people have started accusing me of being a cult leader and have been saying nasty things about me.
Belly Boy is back on his feed again, he couldn't fast for very long. He's still angry at me though. He said that he would beat me up if he were thin enough to do it, and I said that he has a better chance of growing wings and flying than he has of becoming thin at this point, which made him start to cry, and his mom brought him some hot pockets with extra cheese melted on them.
His mom then told me that it turns out that Belly Boy has liver cancer, I guess from his severe alcohol consumption, and he is only going to live for a few more months at the most. He also had a stroke shortly before he started becoming an asshole, and I wonder if that changed his personality a bit.
Regards,
Big Lard Ass
Big Lard Ass said...
ReplyDeleteDear Fat Bastard,
I think it is cool though that their culture requires obesity and that being a FA is considered normal. But that's just me.
I can see your point about the forced feederism aspect being wrong, but on the other hand I think that living in a society that appreciates fat people is a good thing. Also the health factors don't come into play as much because people there die young anyway. I think it should be voluntary, though, but that society should give you benefits if you choose to become obese.
We differ on this point. I think fat people deserve more than normals or thinlings because we weigh more. I see the spiritual side of things - the human soul exists only within fat tissue, not other types of tissues. Therefore, fat people have more of a soul and more spiritual prowess than thinlings, who have very little. (No offense to Thinnette.)
Anyway, as I have developed my religion and have spread it like butter across a piece of bread, people have started accusing me of being a cult leader and have been saying nasty things about me.
Belly Boy is back on his feed again, he couldn't fast for very long. He's still angry at me though. He said that he would beat me up if he were thin enough to do it, and I said that he has a better chance of growing wings and flying than he has of becoming thin at this point, which made him start to cry, and his mom brought him some hot pockets with extra cheese melted on them.
His mom then told me that it turns out that Belly Boy has liver cancer, I guess from his severe alcohol consumption, and he is only going to live for a few more months at the most. He also had a stroke shortly before he started becoming an asshole, and I wonder if that changed his personality a bit.
Regards,
Big Lard Ass
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Rev,
Fat girls have been revered for centuries. The Venus of Willendorf and the models of Peter Paul Ruben BUT and it's a BIG BUT.... The only place where fat men are revered is Japan. In spite of our sexual inadequacies women should be groveling at out largeness.
When it comes to obesity both Proud FA and I are purists. I like free ranging gluttons and free ranging gluttony. OINK!
Our massive size should be revered by all. I do think our blubber is a part of the ora of our soul. I agree with you. regular fatlings only grow their fat cells bigger but us hyper obeasties actually produce more fat cells. Every cell is a living thing. So you are 100000000000% correct that we have more spiritual prowess and that is why we are a special class.
Many great religious leaders have had their critics. Every knock is a boost. You are ushering in a new age on enlightenment and people are jealous. Sri Rev Big Lard Ass is the spiritual weight of the the NFAM.
As to BB cut him some slack for now.
It sounds like he will need a liver transplant. With the new anti-rejection drugs that can use an animal liver and I think they should give him the liver of a feral hog. Google Hogzilla and you will see why.
Keep plumping up BB and maybe his fat cells will kill the cancer. Maybe you can induce his fat cells into devouring the cancer by making them think it's chocolate.
Thank you Alex!
ReplyDelete