Fat Acceptance Medical Advice From a Fat Friendly Doctor

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass a leafy green vegetable. And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!




Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

Gluttony IS Good

We love food and we will not apologize for our size. NAAFA and other fat acceptance organizations may express similar views but they are constantly back pedaling from that position. It's a fact if you are fat it is because you are a glutton. We fatties eat obscene amounts of food. Why deny it? There is no other way to get super fat. The metabolism argument is a cop out and besides it is total bullshit . I cringe when I hear a fellow fatty justifying "why they are fat" with blatant lies. We are fat because we are gluttons so I don't want to hear that fat by nature proud by choice garbage that has become the battle cry of every simpleton who thinks they are part of the fat acceptance movement.

According to the Bible Gluttony is a sin but we all know that the Bible is bullshit and it's god is an evil despot so it only goes to follow that anything that goes against the demented Christian god has to be a good thing and what is better than food? Food is OUR god therefore our love for food and enjoyment of it is simply us behaving in a godly manner. When someone like the government or some diet promoter starts issuing diet they would be in effect committing an act of religious persecution. In the case of the government it would be a violation of several constitutionally protected rights.

We have been called a food sluts and I where that label proudly. America is a nation of food sluts. Even if it is true that we will die prematurely so what? What is better and more satisfying than food? Life pretty much sucks for most people but food and drink make it bearable. EAT EAT EAT EAT and enjoy. Die fat and happy. We are fat! We are mean!! We will not eat Lean Cuisine!!!

We should not apologize for our size. That is a given but we should not deny the behavior that has made us fat nor should we apologize for it. That would be blasphemy!


Gorgeous girl glutton gobbles gouda!