Peace Through Gluttony and Obesity

Peace Through Prosperity Gluttony

By Fat Bastard

We all know what the sanctions in the Treaty of Versailles did when inflicted upon war torn Germany after WW-1. When you impede a human being's natural greed they get really pissed off and end up doing bad things. The Treaty of Versailles did not punish the Bismarkians but it instead punished the German people or at least that is what is argued by some historians. Germany was hurting economically before WW-2. This was one of the factors that allowed the Nazi party to come to power.

Fat, Content and Happy Sergeant Shultz

Angry, skinny and ambitious Hitler... WHAT A PUTZ!

A Caesar Salad
 
Let me have men about me that are fat,
Sleek-headed men and such as sleep a-nights.
Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look,
He thinks too much; such men are dangerous.

Cassius appeared to Caesar like an  underfed anorexic chick bent on stealing a fat girl's boyfriend. His "lean and hungry look" unsettled Julius Caesar, who preferred the company of fat, contented men—who wouldn't bite the hand that feeds them. Cassius looks like he's been up late nursing his envy, a situation that bodes ill for the dictator. 

I'm sure you are all thinking now, "OK Fat Bastard, how does this apply to modern times?" 

Nuke Leftovers NOT People!

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton needs to get her skinny ass back in the kitchen and feed Bill! Have you seen how skinny Bubba is these days? It's appalling. Instead of Hillary going over to the Middle East and trying to broker a peace with those crazy goat humping baby raping Mooslims we need to send these folks FOOD. Bring some Krispy Creme donunts next time you negotiate with Mahmoud AhMADineJihad.

Food is not only the language of love but it is the language of peace. Food transcends all language. When people are making yummy sounds they're not in the mood to quarrel and the fatter they get the hungrier they are and the more often they will eat and the more yummy sounds they will make. YUM! 

Make Pie Not War!

Let's crunch some numbers. It costs over 100 million dollars just to kill one Taliban asshole. That's insane! Put a few hundred fast food restaurants in Afganistan. Make some McGoat Burgers or some Camel Humpin Fries and serve them at a price any Taliban moron can afford. I can see it now. Instead of those ass-lifters shouting Allah Akbar (God is Great) as they cut off some infidel's head they will be shouting McDonalds Akbar! (McDonald's is great!) Compared to the crap they eat once they get a taste of fast food, McDonalds will have them eating a McSausage Pig Burgers.

Sure there will be some fundamentalist holdouts but for them I say send them some Moon Pies. After all, they do worship that silly Pagan moon god. Put some ice cream on it it and call it Pie Allah Mode. They'll love it. 

Here's a sample menu:

Sharia Shakes (beaten like a Muslim wife)

Haddith Hash Brown (made with opiated hashish)

Mohammad Burgers (served by a 9 year old girl... like the kind Rush Limbaugh fucks when he's in the Dominican Republic on a sex tour or like Mohammad's wife Aisha)

Fedayeen Fries (after eating that you will martyr yourself for no reason)

Jihad Dogs (made with real dog meat)

Hamas Hot Cakes (made with yellow cake)

Iraq of Lamburgers

Fat people are simply to fat and lazy to fight. Fighting is too much work! Why fight when you can be enjoying your favorite fast food?

There is not one single fatling in this crowd. That's the problem. Fat = Sedate. 

He who lives by the fork shall not die by the sword!

(Maybe we should nuke Mecca)

It's all about promoting tolerance and not lactose intolerance. When it comes to promotion McDonald is the world leader. The Mecca of fast food could be Mecca! Instead of Muslims making a pilgrimage to Mecca and getting all whipped up and angry  they'll be hopping on their camels and galloping down to their local Mikey D's to get fat and apathetic content just like us. 

Why would you want to chop some poor slob's head off when you can sink your choppers into this bad boy?

All we are saying is give peas a chance! 
All we are saying is give peas a chance!
All we are saying is give peas a chance!  All we are saying is give peas a chance! 

An Open Letter to Proud FA

As may many readers know, Proud FA is my best friend and confidant but lately Proud FA is not happy with me. He feels that I am selling out to the likes of MeMe Roth. He bases this on my recent weight loss (Even though it was induced by medical blunders) and my article titled There are More Important Things Than Fat Acceptance. When you have a series of near death experiences it sort of puts things into perspective.

Folks I have not sold out! I am still a big fat greedy and slothful glutton although I am no as fat and a bit less gluttonous because I am getting laid more. Both Proud FA and I agreed that the new fat acceptance movement would not be anti-diet. I am still slowly losing weight. Sue me! Unfortunately I am an apple shape and "Dr" Gerald "Teddy" Bear the leading voice on super morbid obesity will tell you apples are at greater risks for health complications due to obesity than pears. I hope that "Dr" Bear and I can come up with some BMI guidelines for apples.


Above is an pear shaped body.

Below are apple shaped bodies.



With the help of CG Brady I have turned my food lust into less of a hedonistic pursuit of my porcine pleasures into more of an epicurian endeavor. I think it has been a good trade off. Even if I get skinny (Like that is going to happen) I would still be the legitimate leader of the New Fat Acceptance Movement. Kate Harding is not a major fatling, she's just ugly.

Proud FA, we have been friends for too long for you to diss me like this. I will always be Fat Bastard. I will always be that big fat rolly-poly guy that has been like a brother to you. I will always be Ralph Kramden to your Ed Norton.



Yes, there are things that are more important than fat acceptance. The health of Americans is one of them. While it is true that we fatlings end up getting the shittiest end of the stick when it come to health care, thinlings also get a stick with a very shitty end. While we fatlings are treated like turds in the corporate medical swimming pool; the thinlings are often the turds in the corporate medical urinal.

Please come back PFA. The movement needs you. We can do it without you but it would be easier with you.

Sincerely,

Fat Bastard, your brother in lard

PS. Here is something for you viewing pleasure.




If you wanna see more hot fat MILF action click here!

Click HERE to See Puckering Asshole!

Glutton: A poem to the glory of gluttony

Glutton by Fat Bastard



G is for the giant portions I eat.


L is for the lust I have for food


U is for my uber underbelly

TT is for the teeth that help me chew

O is for my over eating nature

N is for the nastiness of me

Put it all together it spells GLUTTON.



Something that I really love to be.

I hope all my readers enjoyed this poem. I'm happy top report that my appetite is slowly returning and soon I will be back to my piggy proportions soon. This will be a wonderful journey in unbridled food lust or as the crazy cunts in the FA movement say HAES (Health At Every Size). Who's going to me the first reader to give me an OINK!