Wednesday, July 28, 2010
The Tapeworm Diet
Swallowing the Worm!
Before my fellow fatlings and fat admires blow a gasket, keep in mind that BFB does not promote nor do we condemn weight loss diets. We do strongly condemn the barbaric butchery that is weight loss surgery and more specifically the ghastly gastric bypass procedure. Because the tapeworm diet is gaining popularity I, Fat Bastard and Proud FA have decided as a public service to our millions of readers we would report on the Tapeworm diet. While it is true that the new fat acceptance promotes obesity and gluttony we are not so naive to believe that some of our members might try to lose weight via the tapeworm diet. We feel that we would be derelict in our duty to all fatlings if we did not present the honest facts about this latest diet craze. Our readers all know that we will give it to them straight and report fairly on this and any other subject that effects the lives of fatlings.
Just the facts ma'am.
The tapeworm that is used for weight loss is the beef tapeworm. Here is what Wikipedia says about the beef tape worm.
Coach Gains proudly displaying a whopper T. saginata (Beef tapeworm) specimen fished out of the rectum of a BBW NAAFA Convention feedee who was gaining too slowly. Coach Gains, aka the Godfather of feederism knew there was a problem and quickly diagnosed a parasitic infection. A hot soap suds enema flushed this bad boy out along with 20+ pounds of foul smelling impacted fecal matter. Usually fat girls have the undesirable pig tape worm from eating under cooked pork but this bad boy was the beef tapeworm. Always thinking, the resourceful Coach Gains chopped and breaded the creature, deep fried it, smothered it in alfredo sauce and served it to his feedee. She enthusiastically exclaimed that it was the best calamari she had ever eaten.
T. saginata is normally 3 meters to 5 meters in length, but can become very large, over 20 meters long in some situations. The body is whitish in color, divided into the anterior scolex, followed by a short neck and a highly extended body proper called strobila. The strobila is composed a series of ribbon-like segments called proglottids. Unlike other tapeworms the scolex does not have a rostellum or scolex armature. The scolex is composed of 4 powerful suckers. The segments are made up of mature and gravid proglottids. T. saginata is the largest of genus Taenia consisting between 1000 to 2000 proglottids and can also have a lifespan of 25 years in a hosts intestine.
The disease is relatively common in Africa, some parts of Eastern Europe, the Philippines, and Latin America. Humans become infected when they eat beef that is not cooked fully. Prevention is easy. Cook beef until it is no longer pink inside because cysticerci die at 56 degrees Celsius. Also, if beef is frozen at -5 degrees Celsius it is considered to be safe to consume.
This parasite is found anywhere where beef is eaten, even in countries like the United States where there are strict federal sanitation policies. In the U.S. the incidence of becoming infected is low, however, 25% of infected cattle are still sold.
Is ingesting the tapeworm a safe weight loss method?
Bigger Fatter Blog will not vouch for the safety or the efficacy of tapeworm therapy except to say that deaths and injuries from tapeworm infections are very very rare and probably will not occur in healthy individuals. Deaths from weight loss surgery on the other hand are quite common. Here is what Wikipedia has to say about the dangers of tapeworm infection.
Tapeworms are usually asymptomatic. However heavy infection often result in intestinal upset, weight loss, dizziness, abdominal pain, diarrhea, headaches, nausea, constipation, or chronic indigestion, and loss of appetite. There can be intestinal obstruction in humans and this can be alleviated by surgery. The tapeworm can also expel antigens that can cause an allergic reaction in the individual.
I, Fat Bastard, asked weight loss coach CG Brady his opinion on the safety of the tape worm diet. CG Brady opined, It would seem that compared to weight loss surgery, the Atkins diet and the other low carb schemes the tape worm is relatively safe. That being said, I could not in good conscience recommend the ingesting of a tapeworm or any other parasite for any purpose. Others may disagree and have valid points. I would say that as parasites go, the tapeworm is a far more benevolent one than the bariatric surgeon.
I also asked Proud FA's main squeeze Thinnette her opinion on the worm and she told me that the only worm she was interested in putting inside her was Proud FA's anaconda sized one eyed wonder worm.
Compared to other weight loss methods the tape worm diet makes perfect sense for gluttons who are unable to carry the massive amounts of weight that comes with true greedy gluttony. The tapeworm and the glutton are a perfect marriage - true symbiosis!
I, Fat Bastard, may swallow the worm. As some of you know, I have moderated my gluttony for health reasons but as the leader of the New Fat Acceptance Movement I can best serve the movement by resuming my hyper gluttony. To refuse food is to dishonor our Belly God.
How does the Tape Worm Diet work?
Relax fellow fatlings, you don't have to swallow a 20 foot long live tapeworm. All the dieter needs to do is swallow the tiny tapeworm cyst. The cyst will move through your intestines and attach itself where it can gobble up a lot of the food you eat. Tapeworms are hungry critters and you have to respect that. Like so many of us fatlings they too live to eat.
Tiny tapeworm cysts when attached to the intestinal wall will eventually morph into a giant parasitic eating machines kinda like us. You won't even know you swallowed it when it is in cyst form.
Sadly the pig tapeworm is unfit for humans. The only safe tape worm is the beef tapeworm.
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