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Saturday, May 31, 2014

Fat Girls With Smelly Crotches Ask Fat Bastardo For Help

Fat Becky asks: Fat Bastardo, why do us fat women still smell after taking a shower, and soaping out curly cues, and butt, and it still stinks after you put panties on. And no I'm not talking about infection or anything. I think it's the way we are designed to smell down there, right? 

RELATED: Some of the stinkiest fat girls are the Fat Feminists and they need your help. They posted an article on fat acceptance on Wikipedia. Their estrogen dominance and the candida albicanis aka yeast infections are making their brains toxic. THEY NEED YOUR HELP! Please go to the Wikipedia fat acceptance page and edit their article and warn them about their yeasty crotches. Edit this article. Fat acceptance movement - Wikipedia

Fat acceptance movement - Wikipedia

Fat Bastardo: WRONG! I am not going to sugar coat this because you will end up trying to eat that too. You have Swamp Crotch! Like a lot of fat girls you probably can't reach your crotch because your panniculus aka meat skirt is blocking access  is also stopping the water from your shower head from reaching it and washing away all that "fromunda" cheese. That is what is causing the foul odor and why so many of you fat girls smell like a shrimp boat and pig shit on a 100 degree August day.

Slender women rarely have this problem.

Showers don't work well for fat girls. You have two or three options:

Dogs like stinky things: See if you can find a hungry skinny dog (I'm not talking about a fat admirer) to lick you clean and adopt it as a pet. Dogs have cleaner mouths than humans. DO NOT over feed that dog because then he will prefer Dortios and cheese dip to your crotch. Only a hungry dog or a fat admirer will lick a stinky crotch.

Get a hot tub and add some extra disinfectant. Many feeders and fat admirers have their BBW's soak in a hot tub and allow the antimicrobial water to clean things up before they pork them.

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Shit eating dogs are quite common and quite economical because in theory you only have to feed them once. And shit eating dogs love eating cat turds for the crunch and the fishy scent and flavor.

Image result for Butt wand

Try a bidet and a butt wand. That funky smell is caused by your inability to wipe your butt after you take a pinch a loaf. Feces are getting into your vagina and causing a real stink.

As a preventative measure you need to get air circulation down there. Since you spend most of your time sitting there is no air getting to that yeasty maw of yours. Spend time sitting on the toilet so that air can circulate like in the case of the lovely BBW in the above Youtube clip Sittin on Toilet.

Slender women giving this sleeping dog a bone!


Anonymous said...

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People need to grow up and stop living to be offended but instead have a witty comeback. I OINK at them and smile.

I defend my gluttony!

Been Around said...

One of the ways for a fat woman to smell clean is to have their husband of boyfriend take care of their personal hygiene for them. There is nothing wrong with being the man of the house and having to keep the chubby love of your life fresh and clean. I do it and I enjoy it. One of the best ways to achieve a clean fupa is to shave your large and lovelies love hole on a regular basis and apply a moisturizer directly after to avoid razor burn. The frequency of this will vary depending upon her hair growth and race but it can be a very pleasurable experience for the both of you. The second is to shower with your heavy honey and wash all her naughty bits that she cannot reach. The third is to thoroughly dry her plump neither regions after with a blow drier (be careful not to use the high heat setting). Once dry apply a light coating of anti-fungal cream followed by and anti-fungal powder under her panny and on her massive love mount. If you follow these simple steps swamp crotch can be avoided and your supersized sweetheart will no longer have to fret over that embarrassing odor. Of course if you are a single large lady you are kind of out of luck. In which case just full up the nearest 4 person Jacuzzi tub and soak that enormous ass until your fat little finger prune up.

Fat Bastardo said...

Been, That is some sage advice. My best buddy, Proud FA would have his heavy hunnies soak in a hot tub and he would add bleach and borax to clean up the funk.

I posted an article for fat girls with the fat girl fuck where I advised them to get a dog to lick them clean. Dogs seem to like stinky things and because of their Ph and higher body temperatures eating fat girl funk won't make them sick and a dog's mouth is cleaner than a human's.

I checked with the ASPCA and they were divided on it. One male official said that it would be cruelty to animals but the female a BBW said that if the dog likes it then it would not be cruel. She then winked.

Been Around said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Been Around said...

Thank you FB; I have lots of advice to impart regarding life with a supersized beauty. I’ve been servicing elephantine women for a long time and although I hate to use the word “expert” I can honestly say I probably know more about keeping a thunder thigh, big bellied babe happy than most guys.

BTW, I suggested the dog situation to my blubberous beauty a while ago because i do travel for business and I'm not always home 7 days a week. Unfortunately she freaked. She got so offended that I had to feed her 2 dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts and buy her a dozen roses just to get her to stop screeching like a tea kettle. She got so upset that I was afraid her fat little heart would go into a cardiac event and she would keel over before my very eyes. You see she considers a dog licking her fupa to closely related to bestiality for her liking. I tried to explain to her that it was really no different than owning any other kind of service dog but she wasn’t buying it. Furthermore when you really think about it, it is rather cruel toward the dog. Dogs don’t always know what is good for them and just because they will eat their own vomit they really shouldn’t be subjected to the kind of bacterial fungus that can be found under the pannus of the average fatty. Depending on how long the funk has been festering under that lovey mountain of jiggling softness it can be hazardous to any living matter that comes in contact with it. Proper precautions and protocol must be maintained when handling the kind of cooter butter that can be found under the love folds of the average ssbbw. Sorry to be rather graphic but I think a warning was necessary.