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Is Obesity A Choice?

Friday, August 29, 2008

Fat Acceptance Medical Advice From a Fat Friendly Doctor

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass a leafy green vegetable. And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'


Mike Hunt said...

Doctors are finally getting it. Perhaps the have read the Obesity Myth by Paul Campos.

Fat Bastard said...


Richard said...

Whats the point of dieting when eating greasy food will increase my cardio just like jumping jacks. Hmmmm, reminds me of flap jacks. Pancakes with butter and gravvy rolled in a super sized tortilla are awesome finger foods. Oh my, I am sweating for my hourly fix.

hope505 said...

*haha!* that was great to read. I'm lucky and I have a great physician that I like a lot, and she's always been very clear about NOT getting on my case about "my weight"...which is, yes, above average.
A couple of years ago I asked her for a prescription for diet pills (meridia - I loved it) and she explained carefully that my BMI was high enough to barely qualify me as "obese", and she wanted to make sure I knew that was simply being used as a medical term with no judgement attached.
I <3 u dr. Katz!
* : )

Proud FA said...

Hope we see obese as a compliment. Get fatter because men love it.

Remember We are fat. We are mean. We don't want no Lean Cuisine!

Anonymous said...

You are fat. You are sick. Now go fucking suck a dick!