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Is Obesity A Choice?

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Goodness Gracious Great Glorious Gluttony: A Guide to dining out!

There are three criteria the experienced glutton looks for in food. The first is quantity, second is flavor and third is price. I will be discussing some of the more popular restaurants. To judge the gluttonosity of a restaurants one needs to set an industry standard or find a restaurant that is the Cadillac of glutton fare. That restaurant can only be the Heart Attack Grill. With offerings like Flat Liner Fries and the Quadruple Bypass Burger the Heart Attack Grill sets the standard by which all other glutton friendly restaurants are judged. Not only do they serve humongous amounts of food but philanthropic owner Jon Basso allows gluttons weighing over 350 pounds to eat for free! Jon Basso is a fat friendly angel and the Heart Attack Grill is a shrine and a Mecca  for gluttons Worldwide. A trip to the Heart Attack is not like a trip to your average hamburger joint, it's a scared pilgrimage.

http://nedgrace.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/menu.jpg
OINK!

If you love giant burgers and you can't make it to the Heart Attack the next best place is Hardees. Political correctness of anti-gluttony advocates will not allow Hardees to market their menu selections the way the Heart Attack Grill does but Hardees offers without a doubt the best and biggest burgers in the entire fast food industry.


25 comments:

Tazchick said...

If you go to Sonic - keep your windows rolled up! All that sugar people eat there seems to draw every mosquito for miles!

Fat Bastard said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Fat Bastard said...

Mosquitoes are attracted to carbon dioxide and with so fatlings eating and breathing there is a lot of C02 plus the fact that we have a lot more skin surface for the skeeters to feast upon. While we are chowing down we are not going to take the time to swat a skeeter unless maybe it lands on our food.

If a skeeter bites me just before a chow session it will go into insulin shock. LOL!

Big Lard Ass said...

Dear Fat Bastard,

This post was great! It really spells out the pecking order of fast food for all gluttons. Some other good places are Dairy Queen.

Perhaps in an upcoming article, you could do a scholarly analysis determining whether McDonald's, Burger King, or Wendy's has the best fast food for gluttons. Some of the categories would include a burger comparison, a fry comparison, and a value meal comparison. The value meals are where you really rack up the calories, so they are very important.

But anyway, it is true that skeeters are attracted to fat people. Especially us fat men. Personally, I hate it when I get chewed up while I'm chowing down, it's not fair to attack me when I'm attacking a Philly Cheesesteak or something.

I have improved the Belly Boy Burger and the Boom Shakka Lakka Burger dramatically! What I did was I started also adding beef tallow in with the lard, and also added a bit of vegetable shortening. This is important because it counts as a vegetable, whilst also adding critical trans fats, which are an essential nutrient.

I've gotten Belly Boy up to about 40,000 calories per day; once he hits his stride, it is really quite impressive to watch him in action. He can devour a Belly Boy Burger in just 2 minutes, and then he is begging for more. The key seems to be loading him up on as many calories as possible within a short period of time.

First I give him a few thousand calories of chocolate, with some insulin to handle it, and that sends his blood sugar surging, then crashing from the insulin. This leaves him incredibly hungry about 2 hours after the choco-feeding session. That's when I bring in the Belly Boy Burgers.

The nurses are trying to get ME to clean up Belly Boy's defecation, which is totally outrageous and I'm not going to do it. It's their job. I'm just his spiritual advisor.

Anyway, tomorrow he is going in for his MRI, to check if his knee is okay, and also to see how his heart is doing, and also to check how clogged up his arteries are. They figured they would do a full body scan while they're at it. However, this is a stand up MRI, because it's the only kind that could fit him. His fat is so soft and fluffy that it can be moved to accommodate the rest of him. The trick will be getting him to support his massive upper body weight- for that, we have wooden crutches that he will use, and he will try to lean on those and his good leg as much as possible.

He is gaining weight at an incredible rate, I am so proud of him. I brought him from death's door back to his glorious gaining, and he is thrilled. He's scared of the MRI but I told him that afterwards, I will have three Belly Boy Burgers waiting for him, and that calmed him down greatly. The doctors are still trying to talk him into WLS, but we keep telling them no.

Regards,

Big Lard Ass

Fat Bastard said...

Big Lard Ass said...
Dear Fat Bastard,

This post was great! It really spells out the pecking order of fast food for all gluttons. Some other good places are Dairy Queen.

Perhaps in an upcoming article, you could do a scholarly analysis determining whether McDonald's, Burger King, or Wendy's has the best fast food for gluttons. Some of the categories would include a burger comparison, a fry comparison, and a value meal comparison. The value meals are where you really rack up the calories, so they are very important.

But anyway, it is true that skeeters are attracted to fat people. Especially us fat men. Personally, I hate it when I get chewed up while I'm chowing down, it's not fair to attack me when I'm attacking a Philly Cheesesteak or something.

I have improved the Belly Boy Burger and the Boom Shakka Lakka Burger dramatically! What I did was I started also adding beef tallow in with the lard, and also added a bit of vegetable shortening. This is important because it counts as a vegetable, whilst also adding critical trans fats, which are an essential nutrient.

I've gotten Belly Boy up to about 40,000 calories per day; once he hits his stride, it is really quite impressive to watch him in action. He can devour a Belly Boy Burger in just 2 minutes, and then he is begging for more. The key seems to be loading him up on as many calories as possible within a short period of time.

First I give him a few thousand calories of chocolate, with some insulin to handle it, and that sends his blood sugar surging, then crashing from the insulin. This leaves him incredibly hungry about 2 hours after the choco-feeding session. That's when I bring in the Belly Boy Burgers.

The nurses are trying to get ME to clean up Belly Boy's defecation, which is totally outrageous and I'm not going to do it. It's their job. I'm just his spiritual advisor.

Anyway, tomorrow he is going in for his MRI, to check if his knee is okay, and also to see how his heart is doing, and also to check how clogged up his arteries are. They figured they would do a full body scan while they're at it. However, this is a stand up MRI, because it's the only kind that could fit him. His fat is so soft and fluffy that it can be moved to accommodate the rest of him. The trick will be getting him to support his massive upper body weight- for that, we have wooden crutches that he will use, and he will try to lean on those and his good leg as much as possible.

He is gaining weight at an incredible rate, I am so proud of him. I brought him from death's door back to his glorious gaining, and he is thrilled. He's scared of the MRI but I told him that afterwards, I will have three Belly Boy Burgers waiting for him, and that calmed him down greatly. The doctors are still trying to talk him into WLS, but we keep telling them no.

**********************************************************************

DQ is wonderful and I am so pleased that you mentioned it. You know your gluttony!

Beef tallow do a Bel;y Boy Burger is glutton gourmet thinking.

Teddy is a whiz when it come to insulin manipulation but I bet you have a handle on it.

I would love to see BB devour a BB burger in two minutes. That would be great!

Fat Bastard said...

I want to add a few more thoughts.

Beef Belly Boy up to true piggy proportions and leave the doctors scratching their heads. I would love to hear them explain how he packed on 20 pounds in a week on only 800 calories.

BTW, I double stacked a Hardees double thick burger and mowed down on it and I easily ate the whole thing.

I hope BB can get through the scan OK. I can't fit in a regular MRI machine but they can squeeze me into an open MRI.

Belly Boy said...

Hey guys! It's me, Belly Boy!

I am still in the hospital. They could not do an MRI on me because there is no machine big enough, it's not even close. They actually don't have horse MRIs yet, they have not been invented yet, the doctors thought the animal hospital had it but no. For horses they use human MRIs but they can only fit part of the horse in at a time.

I think they should make MRIs that can handle at least a 600 lbs man. Many MRIs can't handle even a 350 lbs person, it's ridiculous. What's a glutton to do?

Anyway my knee is busted up from when they were lifting me up and they had me stand on it when they were getting me off of my bed. The agony was unspeakable, I felt it being crushed under my weight.

Big Lard Ass brought his belly top computer (aka a laptop for thinlings) and although we do not have internet here, he is going to post it for me.

I can say that the constant hamburgers have helped me enormously. I wanna keep getting bigger and bigger. I have long ago reached the point of no return. I hate being immobile, but it is impossible to get up with this kind of weight.

I am gaining at an extreme rate, and I think I could gain 100 lbs per month. I don't know if I will be able to break the record in time though.

I would just like to thank Teddy for helping encouraging people to choose to live my style of life, so that I will not be the only one who has to die of immobile hyper-morbid obesity. Other fat people will try to beat my record, and that will make me famous, so this was not in vain.

I would like to thank Proud FA for pounding fat NAAFA chicks and giving them a taste of their dream. I'd like to thank Thinnette for being a friend of fatlings and not trying to put them down for their weight.

And I would like to thank Fat Bastard as well. You are the maverick of the group, the leader. On your mighty shoulders, the weight of a generation of fatasses rests. I would encourage you to pursue as more pro-fat agenda by sticking up for Kevin Smith and other fatlings who face discrimination because of their size. I know you say it's okay to make him buy two seats because he is fat due to his own actions, but I think that we need a more pro-fat agenda, as Big Lard Ass has been telling me. So I will ask you to reconsider.

AND A BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA, DUNNO IF I'LL LIVE THE HOUR. BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA I JUST GOTTA DEVOUR- ALL THE BURGERS HERE, STACK 'EM HIGH LIKE A TOWER! I TAKE EACH BITE CAUSE IT MAY BE MY LAST, I TAKE EACH BITE AND I EAT REALLY FAST!!

Belly Boy

Fat Bastard said...

Boom Shakka Lakka We're all glad your're still kickin.

Boom Shakka Lakka Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Boom Shakka Lakka Have something that's sweet.

Boom Shakka Lakka EAT EAT EAT

If you would like Belly Boy CG Brady is offering his help in reducing your gluttony. For me it was worth it because I am still a glutton and fa as hell but I am more of a foodie and an epicurian pig man. We are just presenting that option.

We promote all levels of obesity here at BFB. Unlike NAAFA we do not discriminate against people of any size.

We respect ALL levels of gluttony.

Keep pounding those Belly Boy and Boom Shakka Lakka burger and fries.

Proud FA said...

Give BB my best.

Great article Fat Bastard! Back in the day when I was porking fat girls I would have loved to have brought my hungry harem of hefty hunnies to the heart attack grill and sat back and watched he carnage. I get hard just thinking about it.

Hardees kicks ass.

Proud FA said...

Sorry, I assumed it was Rev BLA but it was you Belly Boy!

FB Thinnette and I were talking about your situation and hoping to hear some good news. I am hoping Dr Bear will chime in. He has a way of cheering us up. Maybe we rely on him a bit too much. He need lots of time to think, eat, nap, eat snack, nap think, and eat.

Big Lard Ass said...

Dear Fat Bastard,

Belly Boy is leaving the hospital in a few weeks. His insurance is running out and the docs say that if he is not going to have gastric bypass he is essentially committing suicide, so it's pointless.

I don't think even CG Brady would have any chance of getting BB down to even 400 lbs. He weighs about 1400 lbs now by my visual estimate. The only way he will ever weigh only 400 lbs is if they cremate him and weigh the ashes.

I have ramped up my feeding of BB, adding more milkshakes into the mix. I add vanilla vodka to it so that he still gets the alcohol that his body desperately craves. I also mix in a little cake batter to thicken it up.

I am getting tired from caring for BB all the time, and the smells are getting really awful. I wish they could lipsuction all the fat away but I don't think it works like that, right?

Regards,

Big Lard Ass

Fat Bastard said...

We all have to die from something so it might as well be something we love.

Belly Boy may change his mind. We are giving him the option.

The Belly God is smiling down on you as you care for one of his fattest fatlings.

CG has been monitoring the situation and he tells me that there is nothing he can do unless Belly Boy wants to live. It would appear that he wants to eat himself to death. WHAT A WAY TO GO!

Meat Face said...

Belly Boy is going to have a hamburger named after him! That kicks ass.

At this point it's about comfort care. All Belly Boy has to do is eat and sleep... WOW! What a life!

It's not the quantity of life it's the quality of life. DON'T STARVE BELLY BOY! FEED BELLY BOY!

Anonymous said...

Feed Belly Boy

CG Brady said...

If Belly Boy would like to email me Fat Bastard will give him my email.

My fear is Belly Boy's condition may be beyond my ability to help.

Big Lard Ass said...

Bad news everybody.

The doctors amputated one of Belly Boy's feet. Apparently a lot of what I had been smelling was his foot rotting. He says he lost the ability to feel his feet, like he lost sensation there, and the docs told me it was from his diabetes. Anyway there was an infection in his toes I guess and it just spread, and so they ended up amputating his foot.

This has kicked in more of his insurance coverage, for the amputation stay, so the good news is that he will be in the hospital for longer.

The other bad news is that his foot weighed like probably 2 lbs, so now we have to play catch-up and try to put the weight back on elsewhere.

He said that he thought he would not make it through the surgery but I told him he was being melodramatic. Because of his very high alcohol intake, and there was a risk of a blood infection if they didn't amputate right away, they could not use general anesthesia. Also with people of his size they said they did not know how much anesthesia to use that would not kill him. So they used general anesthesia and it was not a problem because he also has numbness in his feet, like no sensation at all. So that plus the novocane or whatever, he didn't feel anything. But wheeling him into the operating room was a very big deal. They had to attach a regular gurney to their bariatric gurney because it was not big enough.

So yeah, they lopped off one of his feet, and they will be on the lookout to see if they have to amputate his toes on the other foot. Belly Boy is very upset and was crying a lot and asking why this is happening to him, and is it a crime to like food, etc.

I'm glad that BB doesn't have an infected foot anymore. The smell was just horrible, I assumed that it was just his sweat and grime or feces or something like that.

Anyway, I'm proud that BB survived, I'd like to think that it is my home cooked meals that are saving him. I'm sure he'd be unhappy if he was not PowerGaining. At this rate I think he will still live another 5 to 10 years at least, because I think he is not going to die before then.

He has told me that he wants to know if CGBrady could make him into a normal-ling, like someone who only weighs maybe 275 lbs. (He thinks that's a normal weight. His parents are both about 350 lbs, but his gay brother weighs only like 115 lbs.) What are the options for BB becoming thin, or at least just moderately overweight?

Also, how far away is the technology for re-growing a new foot for BB? The surgeon I talked to called it "science fiction" but I know they can re-attach limbs so maybe there are some Asian doctors who can grow new limbs or something. I mean, we're cloning sheep, so we should be able to grow BB a new foot. Also in Star Wars they gave Luke a robot arm, so maybe they can give BB a bionic foot or something.

CGBrady, would it be possible to use LipoSuction to get rid of BB's excess 1,150 lbs of fat? Also, do you know anything about how long it will take to develop limb regeneration technology? Is it like 2 or 3 years away, or more like 5 to 7 years away?

Regards,

Big Lard Ass

Big Lard Ass said...

Edit.

Actually the alcohol intake had nothing to do with the risk of blood infection. What it meant was that they could not do general anesthesia so instead they used local. I get those two mixed up. Basically they slathered some stuff on his rotting foot, injected some stuff into it, and went to work. It was gruesome but it had to be done. The toes on that foot had rotted down to the bone and it was progressing up his foot.

I am still kind of shocked that the doctors have not kicked me out of the hospital. I guess the fact that I am his pastor and spiritual adviser carries a lot of weight. I also introduced myself as Brother Mark, which I think made them assume that I am BB's brother, so maybe they think I'm family. I dunno.

Regards,

Big Lard Ass

CG Brady said...

Rev, there is a lot to cover here. Can I make BB a Normaling? No, only BB can do that. All I can do is help.

Can they currently regrow a new foot for Belly Boy? The answer is yes and no. Do a google search on regenerative medicine. In time I suspect they can regrow him a foot and attach it successfully.

I have a saying, you can lead a glutton away from the all you can eat buffet but you can't make him stop eating.

No offense Belly Boy is not your run of the mill fatling like you, Fat Bastard and Teddy Bear. He got a double whammy of the "gluttony gene" being that both his parent are morbidly obese. Belly Boy is wired to be a glutton like mom and dad but he has twice as much wiring. That alone will make him 700 pounds even without the enabling of his mother.

BB has what Teddy wishes he had and that is intractable gluttony along with a support system that enables him.

In a sense Belly Boy is the "perfect storm" All the conditions are right for him to reach the proportions that most gainer and feeders can only dream about.

CG Brady said...

Big Lard Ass said...

Actually the alcohol intake had nothing to do with the risk of blood infection. What it meant was that they could not do general anesthesia so instead they used local. I get those two mixed up. Basically they slathered some stuff on his rotting foot, injected some stuff into it, and went to work. It was gruesome but it had to be done. The toes on that foot had rotted down to the bone and it was progressing up his foot.

***********************************

As you know Fat Bastard was nearly killed by the actions of a hospital. It sounds like things really started going down hill for Belly Boy when he entered the hospital.

Fat Bastard probably smells a lawsuit and I think he maybe right. BB may have had a bed sore develop into an infection and I suspect hat he may develop sepis.

Go to Fat Bastard's other blog. Just click on his name or picture and you will see a link for his medical holocaust blog. There is a great article there about health care acquired infections.

It sounds to me that they should have caught BB's infection much much sooner.

Fat Bastard said...

@ Dr CG Brady,

I smell bacon cooking from Waffle House 2 blocks away, I smell the neighbor's grill, but stronger than than that I smell a whopper of a lawsuit. This is a case of medical malpractice and neglect pure and simple.

Belly Boy was neglected and those quack Dr Sawbones hacked of his foot. His foot was fine before he entered the hospital. In fact there was NOTHING wrong with BB. Everything went to hell in a hand basket when he got tricked into to going to that damned weigh-in!

SUE SUE SUE SU EEEEEEEEE!

@ Rev BLA you are truly a big fat cherub of mercy. You are a credit to gluttons and food sluts everywhere. OINK!

Fat Bastard said...

One more thing.

Dr CG Brady called last night and we discussed BB's dilemma. We both agree that the starvation diet they put Belly Boy on was that started his downward spiral.

Now they are milking his insurance for all it's worth. Those charlatans are getting paid for fixing the problems they caused. It is criminal. Proud FA is livid and very very distraught because this ordeal that BB is going through is not all that different than the bad medical care that nearly killed me, Fat Bastard.

Proud FA cannot respond because he is so angry and outraged that he is afraid he may say things hat will get him arrested. Thinnete and I are worried that he may go out and find a feedee.

Big Lard Ass said...

Dear CG Brady,

You are right that BB is not your average fatling. I mistreated my body for decadent decades, but I still never got anywhere near immobile even after many years. Whereas BB is immobile from obesity and he's not even 30. That takes an exceptional person. You know how like there are some people with great genes for sports? Well BB has that except it's for obesity. A-Rod is to baseball as BB is to obesity.

You are right that this seems to be yet another example of medical problems getting out of hand. I think that fat people are treated worse than normal people when they get sick. Or even if it's just a weigh-in. I can't believe this started over just a weigh-in. The camera people have been filming all the time, interviewing me, BB, his parents, and the docs. After awhile you forget they're there. But yeah I may get to be on TV if they air it.

@Fat Bastard

Thank you for your kind words. It is not easy doing what I am doing, but I feel like BB would be dead by now if he was on the 600 calorie per day diet they want to give him. They don't understand that even if you weigh over a thousand pounds, that dosen't mean that you could get all your nutrition from just your fat cells. You need food as well.

I have decided to try scaling BB back to about 14,000 calories per day once we break the 1,500 mark. We are not going to try for the world record of 1,650 because I don't think he would survive. It's not going to be easy but since he is immobile I will have control.

@CG Brady. Do you think that maybe we could get BB down to maybe 400 lbs or something manageable? I guess it will all depend on BB's dedication, but he is addicted to both food and alcohol so this will not be easy. I'm wondering if it would be better to just let him ride it out and perhaps making a run at the 2,000 lbs mark if possible, instead of trying to lose 1,000 lbs. I mean if it's gonna fail anyway, why bother trying?

On the other hand, this could be a miracle if it works. But we don't know how much time we have left. BB's liver may be giving out because of all the booze; we can't run tests on it because he can't fit in a CT Scan machine or an MRI.

One of the docs has mentioned maybe putting BB into a medically induced coma to get him on a restricted calorie diet so that he will lose about 400 or 500 lbs that way. They would put him on ritalin or something to keep his heart rate up so he would burn calories while he slept. This all sounds to me like they just think of him as their science experiment, and it is making me uncomfortable.

BB has to be flipped over every 2 hours now so he does not develop more bedsores. This is making it hard for him to sleep; it takes like 4 people to flip him, and it takes about a full minute to flip him. How would they do this with him in the coma??? It would just be all dead weight. He would die of massive infected bed sores. And that's if he didn't starve to death first or if the sedatives and stimulants didn't kill him. His heart is probably weak from supplying blood to his massive body. Don't they ever think of that?

Regards,

Big Lard Ass

Big Lard Ass said...

@Fat Bastard

You write that two of the 2/3 pound burgers together are more than a Quadruple Bypass Burger- but this is not true. The Quad has 8,000 calories, but the double 2/3 burger would only have about 6,000 calories. Also it would be much more expensive than the Quad, which is only like $10, or free if you weigh 350 lbs or more.

Regards,

Big Lard Ass

Fat Bastard said...

Big Lard Ass said...

@Fat Bastard

You write that two of the 2/3 pound burgers together are more than a Quadruple Bypass Burger- but this is not true. The Quad has 8,000 calories, but the double 2/3 burger would only have about 6,000 calories. Also it would be much more expensive than the Quad, which is only like $10, or free if you weigh 350 lbs or more.

Regards,

Big Lard Ass

**********************************************************************

Hardee's has a LOT of meal deals. They offered 2 Thick Burger with Cheese for 4 bucks.

Anonymous said...

FA is like hoarding, you have just Given up. You once bitched and made excuses. Since that has been spotted as a ruse try and accept it.

The number of obese are an increasing demographic however, it is not resaurant guides you need it is where and how to buy insurance.

Hey do a blog on insurance companies and why they should not reject your claims or applications.

Is obesity a pre-existing condition? now that I have typed it, it will be ... soon.