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Friday, February 4, 2011

Fat Chrstians: A Pray In

Because Bigger Fatter Blog welcomes all fatlings regardless of their race color creed and national origin we thought it would be a good idea to invite Christians to a Bigger Fatter Blog for an ongoing pray in. After all most Americans are Christians so this is our ecumenical outreach to Christians everywhere.  We  will be tackling  the problem of disease suffering and illness that plagues both fatlings and thinlings alike.
Many People Think That Jesus Lied About Prayer

    Jesus is quoted many times in the Bible saying that a believer can ask for anything through prayer and receive it.  He even goes so far as to say that mountains and trees can be thrown into the sea simply by praying for it. Many people think this is clearly a lie, and can be proven to be a lie by any believer.  "Simply pray for me to be converted to Christianity right away", They say.  Or better yet they ask God to move the mountains behind their house.  He could make a lot of converts that way. So we at Bigger Fatter Blog are offering Christians of all sizes this opportunity to end all suffering the world and to get some converts in the bargain.

OK Christians, Prove the Naysayers Wrong

    Here are the quotes from Jesus that some say proves that he lied:

    1)  And Jesus answered and said to them, "Truly I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, `Be taken up and cast into the sea,' it will happen.  "And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive."  (Matthew 21:21-22 NAS)

    2)  Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.  (Matthew 7:7-8 NAB)

    3)  Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven.  For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.  (Matthew 18:19-20 NAS)

    4)  Amen, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be lifted up and thrown into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it shall be done for him.  Therefore I tell you, all that you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it and it shall be yours.  (Mark 11:24-25 NAB)

    5)  And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.  (Luke 11:9-13 NAB)

    6)  And whatever you ask in my name, I will do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.  If you ask anything of me in my name, I will do it.  (John 14:13-14 NAB)

    7)  If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you.  (John 15:7 NAB)

    8)  It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name he may give you.  (John 15:16 NAB)

    9)  On that day you will not question me about anything.  Amen, amen, I say to you, whatever you ask the Father in my name he will give you.  Until now you have not asked anything in my name; ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be complete.  (John 16:23-24 NAB)

The above verses are unequivocal. If people ask for ANYTHING Jesus says God will deliver.


Please inform all the Christians you know to spread the word about this pray in. Here are some links to Christian forum as we at BFB ask that you visit those forums and post a link and the article.


Anonymous said...

God sucks. Jesus sucked ass.

Teddy Bear said...

I know from personal experience that prayer does not work.

When I a kid growing up in Minnesota, I was raised a Presbyterian.

I use to pray that my stepfather would not get drunk anymore and not beat up on my mother and I, but he would still come home drunk and beat the crap out of us.

I prayed for God to heal my crippled up left knee, but nothing ever came of that.

I hate to be a buzz-kill, but sorry! Pray all you like, nothing ever comes of it.

No, actually I like being a buzz-kill, and wake people up to reality.

You might as well wish upon a star, or kiss a horse shoe, and toss it over your left shoulder, or some shit like that.

Prayer is no more effective than a lucky horse shoe or a rabbit's foot.

You think a rabbit's foot is lucky? How about asking the rabbit who lost it's foot!

No, prayer is just another superstition.

Big Lard Ass said...

I thought you were converting to Judiasm, Teddy - or, is there a denomination that doesn't pray? Maybe there is, I guess.

But you are right that prayers are not wishes, like a genie from story books. Praying is not for curing physical ailments, making people change the way they are, etc. It's for worshiping God, and to show thanks for the things you do have.

The benefits of prayer, to you, are to become closer to God, and to become a better, more spiritual and faithful person. It's kind of like meditation, almost. So yeah, it doesn't grant wishes, but it can make you more serene, calm, and able to deal with the problems that you do have, rather than being a way to make those problems just magically go away.

Anyway, I am sorry that you had an abusive stepfather. But I am thankful that you have a wonderful mother. Some people get 2 bad stepparents. I am sorry that you injured your leg in a car accident as a child. But I am glad that you have the gift of being able to walk. I pray just to thank God for the blessings I do have in my life, not to ask for more, or ask why things couldn't be better.. it's all part of the grand plan, and once I accepted that it turned my life around and I just focused on making the best of things.


Big Lard Ass

Mr Scripture said...

God expressly says that he will answer all prayers but it requires a little faith.

And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you Matt 17:20

True believers such as myself could ask God to end all he disease in the world but like God we also enjoy the fact that people suffer especially fat gluttons like Teddy Bear. God HATES gluttons! REPENT!

"“Woe to those who lie on beds of ivory and stretch themselves out on their couches, and eat lambs from the flock and calves from the midst of the stall, who sing idle songs to the sound of the harp and like David invent for themselves instruments of music, who drink wine in bowls and anoint themselves with the finest oils, but are not grieved over the ruin of Joseph! Therefore they shall now be the first of those who go into exile, and the revelry of those who stretch themselves out shall pass away.”"Amos 6:4-7

"And put a knife to your throat if you are given to appetite." Proverbs 23:2

"For many, of whom I have often told you and now tell you even with tears, walk as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things."

Philippians 3:18-19

Fat Bastard said...

Ignore Mr Scripture Teddy. If God didn't want people to be fat he would not have given them fat cells. Here is what the Bible says about fat people.

I am not a Christian BUT... here is what the Bible says about fat people.

What the Bible says about Fat People

First of all, it is important to understand that God really likes fat. So I suppose he likes fat people, too. (He's probably overweight himself.)

All the fat is the Lord's. -- Leviticus 3:16

Even God's sword is fat (and bloody).

The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness. -- Isaiah 34:6

God even likes fat animals. He plans to feed people to to them to make them nice and fat.

Thus saith the Lord GOD; Speak unto every feathered fowl, and to every beast of the field ... Ye shall eat the flesh of the mighty, and drink the blood of the princes of the earth ... And ye shall eat fat till ye be full, and drink blood till ye be drunken, of my sacrifice which I have sacrificed for you. -- Ezekiel 39:17-19

God makes the diligent fat. (Lazy people are always skinny.)

The soul of the sluggard desireth, and hath nothing: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat. -- Proverbs 13:4

God makes liberals fat, too. (I guess religious liberals should be the fattest of all.)

The liberal soul shall be made fat. -- Proverbs 11:25

If you put your trust in God, he will make you fat.

He that putteth his trust in the LORD shall be made fat. -- Proverbs 28:25

Being fat is is sure sign of righteousnous in the eyes of God.

The righteous shall flourish like the palm tree ... they shall be fat and flourishing. -- Psalm 92:12-14

Because I am not a Christian I don't have the same in with God so if I ask him to end all disease that he allows he will ignore me but according to the Bible Christians can easily get their God to end all disease. Even the ones with a tiny amount of faith can get their God to do it. Me? I am sticking with the Belly God because he has never ignored my pleas. While he may not be as powerful as the god of Abraham yet eventually as we feed our bellies the Belly God will eventually be able to kick his butt.

Bible God is a jealous god and he has killed off all the other Gods but his head may be on the chopping block soon. It's up to us.

If you think about it everyone is almost an atheist. They don't believe in any of the other gods and thy only have one God to go before they are atheists.

Belly God is growing and while he may lack the power to heal he sure has the power to comfort us.

Every time we eat and say YUM we are giving thanks to our God. FOOD IS LOVE!

Time to praise the Belly God. The buzzer on the oven just went off and there is a pizza in there with my name on it OINK!

Teddy Bear said...

In response to Big Lard Ass:

Yes, I'm in the process of converting to Judaism, because I have come to reject Christianity.

I was raised a Presbyterianism when I was a kid, but I was never very comfortable with Christianity.

But I have always admired the Jewish culture. They highly value education and knowledge.

Also, it not the Jew who go around trying to get Creationism inserted into high school textbooks, and forcing their religious agenda into politics.

It's the right-wing Christard Funny-mentalists who are doing that, especially some of the right-wing members in our Texas State Board of Education (Indoctrination) and their wanting to remove Thomas Jefferson from the history textbooks.

Jews don't go around doing those things. They recognize that there should be a separation of church and state, in the the case of the Jews, a separation of synagogue and state.

My rabbi supports science education and he is also against any attempts to insert Creationism into science textbooks.

He believe that science and religion should remain separate endeavors.

Fat Bastard said...

I agree with your Rabbi Teddy. Schools don't go into churches telling them what to teach. Churches need to stay the fuck out of education. If they don't like what is being taught in public school then they can start their own school.

So far nobody I know has been healed of any disease.

Anonymous said...

I hope that God is not real because if he is we are all fucked.

@ Fat Bastard, I came here to bash fatties but since this blog is so honest I now have too much respect for you guys to do that.

Fat Bastard said...

@ anon,

There is so much lying by orgs like NAAFA that many people bash us fatlings based on their lies. People hate liars much more than they hate gluttons.

Anonymous said...

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