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| A REAL ASS BUSTER! |
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| Lovely BBW straining to drop a deuce |
From now on I will be eating more fiber even though most high fiber "foods" are what real food eats.
I am OK now but I am once again off my feed. It ain't easy being fat!
More later.
Monday, March 21, 2011
I have returned from the dead!
I, Fat Bastard am recovering from a fecal impaction. It caused a condition called sepsis. I went on a cheese and ice cream binge and I got all balled up.
Fecal impaction is a silent epidemic among us fatlings. We don't like to talk about it but it is a subject that we should discuss. Just because NAAFA denies the downside of obesity and gluttony is no reason for the rest of us ti ignore it. As gluttons we need to take the good with the bad.
From now on I will be eating more fiber even though most high fiber "foods" are what real food eats.
I am OK now but I am once again off my feed. It ain't easy being fat!
More later.
From now on I will be eating more fiber even though most high fiber "foods" are what real food eats.
I am OK now but I am once again off my feed. It ain't easy being fat!
More later.
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18 comments:
hi there fat bastard!!how are you doing?i'm happy that you came back please start posting!!thank you Jamie61571@yahoo.com
Hey hey hey, it's FAT BELLY BOY!
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA, fecal matter matters!
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA, when you eat a whole platter
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA, of lotsa dairy
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA, things get scary!
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA, the poo gets stuck,
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA, YUCK YUCK YUCK!
Belly Boy, OUT
Jamie,
Thanks for asking about by health. I am a bit off my feed. My guts are sore and hence I am once again off my feed.
I got fecally impacted and due to the pressure and something inorganic I ate during one of my feeding frenzies is got a slight bowel perferation and that led to the sepsis. Sepsis is a sytemic bacterial infection that often comes from a leaky bowel. Many weight loss surgery victims die from it. I was on broad spectrum anti-biotics for a few weeks. Thankfully the perferation was minor and it healed on its own which is usually not the case. After my bowels emptied and the pressure was relieved they healed.
@ Belly Boy
Boom Shakka Lakka had pain in my pelvis.
Had a fecal impaction just like Elvis.
Was get pretty worried and I acted like a grump.
Boom Shakka Lakka I finally took a dump.
Yes Belly Boy, it was quite a fright.
Boom Shakka Lakka gotta take a smaller bite.
Boom Shakka Lakka had a slight rectal bleed.
Boom shakka lakka sitll off my feed.
Fat Bastard rips a ranky skanky fart, takes a stool softner, chugs some Metamucil and hits the post button.
Good afternoon Fat Bastard:
Sorry I haven't been posting lately.
I have been very very busy working on my YouTube channel.
Today, I have just now figured out how I can stay signed in to BOTH my blogger account AND my YouTube account, by logging in through Google instead of Yahoo.
So, I'll be posting more often here now while still working on my YouTube channel.
Anyway . . .
I'm so glad you're going to recover from your recent bowl impaction.
That can be very serious!!!
YES! YOU DO NEED TO EAT SOME VEGETABLES AND/OR SOME FRESH FRUIT!
You do need some fiber in your diet so that you can prevent another episode like your recent bowl impaction.
I can't emphasize that enough!
Yeah! I know that both you and Belly Boy say that vegetables is what food eats.
You guys seriously need to re-examine that philosophy!
If I'm sounding like I'm lecturing you, then I apologize, but facts are facts.
We humans are NOT carnivores, so we can't live on nothing but meat.
But we are nor herbivores either, so we can't live on nothing but vegetables neither, as those sorry-ass PETA nannies are always advocating!
We are in fact Omnivores, meaning that nature, Evolution, has adapted us to eating BOTH meat AND vegetables and/or fruit.
Our digestive systems have evolved to give us the ability to eat both plants and animals.
Also, for us gluttons who love eating and growing fatter, contrary to what has been said in this blog in the past, eating vegetables does not interfere with gaining.
PETA may deny this until the cows come home, but a vegetarian diet does NOT prevent obesity as they are always advocating.
In fact, one can be a vegetarian and still become obese, because I have personally known vegetarians who were obese!
That's because many vegetarian diets are actually loaded with carbohydrates, especially if you eat a lot of potatoes, cabbage, corn, or stewed tomatoes.
So, PETA should just shut the fuck up, because they really don't know what the fucking Hell they're talking about!
I'm not advocating a vegan diet, because a vegan diet sucks!
As you had said . . .
"Fecal impaction is a silent epidemic among us fatlings."
It's not necessary that it should be an epidemic among us fatlings.
I'm a glutton, and I very seldom have any problems with constipation.
That's because I get some fruit and vegetables every day.
I love strawberries with lots of whipped cream on top, and that can be very fattening while the strawberries gives you a little fiber.
Some of the fattest gluttons in history were Roman emperors. Yes, they ate a lot of meat, like a whole leg of beef, but they also chowed down and pigged out on a large bowl of fruit for desert.
I don't think they ever had problems with constipation, but they were fucked up in the head from drinking wine fermented in lead vats.
That is probably why Roman society became so decadent.
So, they were still fucking stupid!!!
You are right Teddy and I need to follow your advice. After all YOU are the world's leading bariatric nutritionist.
I suppose I need to eat more fiber. I actually like some of that high fiber bread and today I had some chocolate covered strawberries as well as some chocolate covered cherries.
Ketchup is a vegetable but it contains very little fiber.
Good evening Fat Bastard:
Well, actually, it was during the Reagan Administration when they were cutting the budget for education and school lunches (as Republicans always do because they have shit for brains) that they said ketchup was a vegetable.
Actually, a tomato is a fruit, a large berry, and not a vegetable, so I'm surprised that the Regan Administration didn't call ketchup a dessert.
Anyway, I'm glad your now eating some strawberries.
I would also suggest a half of a cantaloupe with a big scoop if ice cream.
So, for weight gain, eat lots of fresh fruit chopped up into some ice cream.
I remember when I was a teenager, I had some problems with constipation, then I switched over from white bread to whole wheat bread, and problem solved.
Also, I discovered that whole wheat bread has a lot more flavor as well as more fiber, and I will never go back to white bread ever again, because white bread sucks. Only morons eat white bread.
My mother was into German and Polish style cooking, so I love cabbage, cauliflower, and a couple of cans stewed tomatoes cooked up in a big pot, with lots of ham.
Of course, I now use turkey ham instead, because I don't eat pork. Me and the pig have parted company.
So, by adding some vegetables, and fruit for desert, especially if you are on a cheese and ice cream binge, then, you shouldn't have any more problems with fecal impaction.
When you have cheese, you should also have some fruit. Actually, cheese and fruit go good together.
Anyway, I'm glad you're getting well again.
Take care.
Remember, we fatlings have a lot more to take care of!
Oink. Oink. Oink, Oooink!
Hey hey hey, it's FAAAAAAAAAT BELLY BOY!
And I'm gonna sing a song for yoouuuuuu! And Bill's gonna teach you a thing or twooooo! We'll have some good times, with me and all the gang- learning from each other, while we do our thang! Nah nah nah, gonna have a good time!
NAH NAH NAH! GONNA HAVE A GOOD TIME!!
So I am glad to hear that you have survived your fecal encounter. Hopefully they gave you lots of laxatives to flush out your system. Laxatives are the only way I'm able to function, because I get incredibly constipated.
As for Teddy Bear, yeah, I don't believe in eating vegetables or fruit because I prefer my foods to be heavily processed. Raw fruit and vegetables are the building blocks of tasty meals, they are not tasty in raw form.
I do consider myself a modern Roman emperor, Fatimus Maximus!! OH YEAH!!
I think studies show vegetarians live about the same length as omnivores, maybe a few months longer but it's not worth it. Carnivores probably don't live very long, but I am not truly a carnivore, as I make sure to take in loads of processed foods every day that contain lots of nutrients, plus vitamins every day to make up for not eating veggies.
Some rich Romans would eat and eat, then vomit in the Vomitorium and then eat more, and repeat the process. While wasted on wine. YUM!!
They used lead pipes because they didn't know better in those days, not because they were dumb. They didn't have the scientific method. They did make lots of amazing aquaducts which were cool. Plus most people died at like 34 regardless, so the lead levels didn't matter much anyway. Also, I think lead might make it tastier, adding a special taste and flavor to the mix.
I add some pencils to my water sometimes, although I think its graphite not lead, but I still like doing it at times. Because water is not a true drink, it's just what they use to make beer, wine, and SODA!! GLORIOUS SODA! OH THAT NECTAR OF THE HEAVENS! THAT SWEET AMBROSIA!
I think they became decadent not from lead pipes but from shifting away from democracy and having a series of sub-par emperors who were unable to lead effectively, leading to the splitting of the Empire into two halves which failed to help one another against barbarians from Eastern Europe such as the Visgoths, and the Vandals who we get the word "vandalism" from. OINK OINK OINK!!
I LIKE TO EAT!
OINK OINK OINK!
FOOD CAN'T BE BEAT!
OINK OINK OINK!
DON'T FEED ME A PEAR!
OINK OINK OIN!
I EAT LIKE A BEAR!
BELLY BOY, OUT
throws down the mike, takes the mike stand and flings it across the stage, downs a pitcher of beer, getting half of it on his shirt, staggers off stage while the crowd explodes into a roar of adoring cheers
Teddy,
Thinnette read your advice and she made me some melon sorbet and Proud is making me some chilli con carne. That will clean me out.
The doctors said it was the biggest fecal impaction they had ever seen. I also had some prunes stuffed with chocolate chips. They weren't that bad but I'm hankering for a big chicken fried steak.
@ Belly Boy,
I bet those Romam orgies were great. I bet it was like a NAAFA convention without all the whining and bitching.
I don't take laxatives becasue they gripe me. I tolerate castor oil OK but it still gripes me some.
I think I need to follow Teddy's advice and get more fiber.
Boom Shakka Lakka still of my feed.
Boom Shakka Lakka it's fiber I need.
Boom Shakka Lakka I passed that clump.
Boom Shakka Lakka take a healthy dump.
Fat Bastard drops his pants and blasts projectile diarrhea all over the front row at a Benny Hinn faith healing Christian revival event, shouts praise JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESUS for curing his fecal distress, waddles off stage while lighting a turd shaped Cuban cigar that's really one of the Chef's honey blunts, high fives Snoop Dog, heads to the limo and pimps fat hos nationwide. Bossa Nova!
Jamie,
I am back to posting. I hope you enjoy my fattitude test.
Hey Fat Bastard
I've been eating Fiber One bars, and them things are FULL of fiber.
They make me fart so much it's unbelievable. I eat a box of them before breakfast with my quart of chocolate milk, and it sets me up for a STINKY DAY, but healthy, healthy, healthy shits. I don't need laxatives AT ALL anymore.
Thankfully I have a custom bariatric bedpan installed next to my bed, which can support up to 2,000 lbs. I have gained the ability to walk short distances through hours of physical therapy every day for the last few months. So I can use the baritric bedpan with ease now. Plus, I don't have to ask anyone for help when I wanna change games in my Xbox 360lbs.
That's what I call my Xbox 360. Because I keep it on top of a mini-fridge next to my entertainment unit, and I use the mini-fridge to keep some buttermilk milkshakes chilled and waiting for me as well as my sweet tea vodka. Of course I also have lots of dark chocolate every day, for health reasons.
I always make sure to have at least 1,200 calories of dark chocolate every day, and half a bottle of red wine to help my heart. I've also switched to ultra light cigarettes, which are much better for my heart than the unfiltered camels I used to smoke. But as I get older, I get more perspective and so I'm starting to make better health choices. I'm even looking into Snus, which are a pretty harm reducing way to get tobacco into my bloodstream without smoking at all.
BELLY BOY, OUT
Oh, I've forgotten how much these posts and comments make me chuckle.
Not that I'm laughing at you for you...shitty situation or anything. I'm just enjoying imaging the wonderful fruits of labor that you can grow with all of that fresh compost.
@ Belly Boy,
I see that you too have taken Teddy Bear's nutritional advice.
I have actually switched to unfiltered Lucky Strikes. I get less smoke and more nicotine so I think unfiltered Lucky Strikes or Camels are a better choice. I would advise you to go back to the unfiltered. That way you can smoke less and eat more.
I also think you may want to get a hookah. You would look really regal smoking a hookah and it's safer than smoking a cigarette in bed.
@ Lindsy
Lindsey you pretty thing you, I am pleased that I, Fat Bastard can spread some joy in the world through this humble blog.
Affectionately,
Fat Bastard
@Fat Bastard, Obviously my wanting to devour all the crackers in my apartment caused for me to have several grammatical errors. But I am glad you understood what I meant.
Keep Spreading that joy, FB!
Lindsey,
The only thing better than a Ritz cracker is a whole box of them and a nice selection of dip and cheese.
When I am having a feeding frenzy all the blood goes to my big belly which is the gas tank for the love machine.
@FB,
I just love to eat some good old saltine crackers. Sometimes I like chewing them up and sticking smashing it onto a whole cracker, and making a cracker cracker sandwich. It sounds absolutely disgusting, but it is pretty fabulous for a developing glutton like myself.
Rev up that engine, be sure he's gassed up reallllll good! :)
I like taking Ritz Crackers and making a quadruple decker sandwich with Marshmallow Fluff, peanut butter & jelly. YUM!
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