Follow by Email

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Belly Boy Opines: Airlines and Fat Rights

A message from me Fat Bastard

Of all the fat acceptance news groups Bigger Fatter Blog not only has the best content but with out a doubt we have the best commentators. I can't really say who the best of the  best is because I can't decide but for me personally Belly Boy's adroit commentary and punchy delivery get to the meat of the issue every time. This latest missive by our own Belly Boy is so good and so important that I decided to feature it as a full article.

With the erudition of a Harvard trained Constitutional lawyer Belly Boy effectively draw discusses how the plight of fatlings on airplanes is closely related to gun rights and smoker's rights. Belly Boy has bumper stickers on his power thrown that say, "National Rifle Association" "I smoke and I vote", I EAT and I EAT and I Vote and I'm FAT and I EAT and I Vote".

Belly Boy on Airlines, Smokers Rights and Gun Rights

I think that extra seats need to be provided to the bigger passengers for free.
Tough shit stick boy; don't blame us gluttons, blame the airlines!

Even if the plane is full, then they should boot a thin passenger from the flight and give his seat to the fat man who deserves it more, since he has had to go through lots of discrimination and hardship and adversity that thin people don't even understand.

Also us fat people tend to earn less than wealthy thin people, so we need the extra money more - we can't afford double seats because we have higher medical bills, and face discrimination in the job market and in the workplace. People think fat folks are lazy and it just isn't true. If you want something done ask a fat man, he has loads of energy stored up and can outwork any thin person, who just endlessly talks about how thin he is and how everything has carbs.

If it weren't for fat discrimination, I would be running a Fortune 500 company by now. I have applied for several CEO openings, and I never once got an interview even, and it is solely because of fat discrimination. I put my photograph on my resume because my mom says I'm very handsome, but all they see is the fat.

In short, I think that second and third seats need to be provided to passengers gratis, if they need them. It's not my fault I'm this size, it's SOCIETY'S FAULT. If obesity is a problem then it is a national problem, like war or tornadoes, and therefore it is the GOVERNMENT'S RESPONSIBILITY to solve this problem. For private companies to take it out on individual citizens is beyond the pale, it is ridiculous and absurd, and makes a mockery of everything we have worked for generations to build. Therefore, the government must kick in and purchase a second or third seat for any passenger who needs one, this way neither the passenger nor the airline lose out.

This was Belly Boy's Salvo and He is Just Getting Warmed Up!

Fat Bastard is right when he says that technology needs to catch up to the American glutton.

We are still flying the same 747s that were made about a half century ago in the 1960s! It still takes 6 hours to go from NYC to LA, except it actually takes longer now because we have more security BS to go through before we can board the plane. Also, the stewardesses were much hotter back in the day, and the airlines provided excellent chow to all of the passengers.
Japan Airlines still has hot stewardesses but Japan is a VERY fat friendly country

We need the airlines to step up to the plate and instead of cramming more and more seats on each plane to maximize their profits in the short term, they need to think long term and instead realize that their seats no longer reflect the average American's size. They probably have been making smaller and smaller seats over the years to fit more in, but in reality they need to institute bench seating like the backseats of cars, and the front seats of good cars.
The sky pig, coming to an airport near you.

Belly Boy, they are accommodating us gluttons with a new design. This plane has been nicknamed the sky pig. I heard it rev up its hungry turbo props and it makes a distinct oinking sound.

There’s no denying it. The Aeorscraft ML866 is one morbidly obese airplane. It’s time we had an intervention with the poor thing to help it deal with its problem. Obesity is a here people! The ML866 is scheduled to make its first official launch next month at the NBAA convention.

The fatty plane is actually pretty technologically advanced when it comes to the physics of aviation, utilizing dynamic lift with a very evident and robust buoyancy. It’s only a matter of time before the plane has a propeller attack, or a hemorrhage of the fuselage.
Bench seating would be a great short term solution and we all know how much fatlings love sitting on benches.

We gluttons are suffering a death by a thousand cuts, just like the smokers. In the 60s and 70s you could just smoke wherever you wanted to, even on airplanes and in restaurants, and if it bothered someone that was their tough luck. Then they banned smoking on all airplanes and put smoking sections in the restaurants, and the smokers said "okay."
Haggard glutton forced to eat and smoke at home.

Then they took away the smoking sections in restaurants, and said "no you have to smoke outside" and the smokers said "okay." And then they said "no you have to go outside and walk 20 feet" and they said "okay." Now they're banning smoking in all public places. Now ONE pack of cigarettes costs like $12 in New York City, because they just keep adding a dollar of tax whenever they feel like it and the smokers never stand up for themselves.

Belly Boy Continues...
Sexy Southern Sow with Shotgun!
Compare this to the gun people. When politicians suggest banning military-grade machine guns for personal defense, with bullet-proof vest penetrating bullets in them, night-vision scopes, and a heat-seeking rocket launcher that can take out helicopters or air planes, the gun people go "No way you can't ban that! It's our right!" They don't really care about those ridiculous things, they care about regular rifles, shotguns, and handguns - however, they understand that if they give in an inch, then it will get the ball rolling against them and soon the government will try to take away their guns or institute a national gun registry (which most southerners see as the first step to taking away their guns.)

Southerners are willing to literally die to protect their right to have guns. Whereas smokers just give in as long as it's incremental, we will eventually make it so that parents with kids will have their kids taken away if they smoke in the house. No more smoking outside on public property either. Next they will institute a smokers' tax for the "environmental damage" of the smoke. Then another tax for the cancer risks of second hand smoke, which they claim kills 50,000 people a year but that is complete BS because nobody dies of second-hand smoke.

Us fat people have been acting like the smokers. "Sure, you can make me pay for 2 or 3 seats, and then if your flight attendant deems me to need only 1 seat I get refunded for the 1 or 2 other seats in 4 to 8 weeks." "Sure, you can boot me off of a flight that I PAID FOR IN FULL just because your flight attendant subjectively says I am too big even if have flown on the plane before at this weight without problems."

Belly Boy Concludes,

Next thing you know, they will be charging triple or quadruple for us fat people to fly. Then they will add an extra fuel surcharge because we weigh more. They've already done away with free meals. And then before long, they will simply ban all fat people from flying on airplanes and tell us to take trains and our cars instead. That's the end game scenario for them, they only want thin people flying because they are cleaner, more obedient, and they take less fuel per passenger to transport.
Airline food is a hate crime against gluttons.

If we don't start fighting back, you will see the airlines institute a policy where no passenger with a BMI of over 35 will be allowed to fly in America, and by then it will be too late to do anything about it. We need to fight back now, and turn back the tide, and exact retribution, meaning free extra seats for us fat folks until the airlines start using seats that can actually fit us fat folks, who are the majority.


Belly Boy gets ejected from the airplane by a stewardess who bludgeons him with a serving cart tray screaming at him to die, while he begins to cry and moan in agony. Other fatlings look on, but choose not to help Belly Boy as he is being slowly murdered, and instead accuse Belly Boy of being a whining NAAFA member, even though he is dying for what he believes in - basic human rights for men and women of size.

After she has murdered Belly Boy in cold blood, she then drags another fatling out of the airplane and does the same thing to her. The other fatlings still refuse to come to her defense, reasoning that she must also have been a whiney NAAFA member. This keeps happening one by one until there are none left.

First they came for the gluttons,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a glutton.

Then they came for the gormandizers,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a gormandizers.

Then they came for the eat beasts,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't an eat beast.

Then they came for the pork beasts,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a pork beasts

Then they came for the landwhales,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a landwhale.

Then they came for me Fat Bastard
and there was no one left to speak out for me.

This is only one of many possibilities. You can help me, Belly Boy, and thereby protect yourself. I am the tip of the iceberg, so I'm who they are targeting first. Me and Kevin Smith, but it will trickle down and begin to affect more and more Americans until everyone is under the oppressive yoke of the airlines, who will make their seats designed only for anorexic 4 foot tall girls, and make everyone else pay for a half dozen or more seats, while keeping the prices the same, instead of being just and increasing the seat sizes in line with the average American's size.
The least they could do, as a stop-gap measure, would be to add some bench seats to every airplane, enough to fit at least 2 to 4 500+ lbs passengers.
Deanne Dillard displays her pendulous grade 5 pannus on a park bench!

Belly Boy is an engineering genius! Fatlings love bench seats and they are already available. Planes could be easily retrofitted with bench seating.


Camille said...

I'm pretty sure I saw that Japanese stewardess' vagina.

Fat Bastard said...

Hey, us fat boys love sushi! :-)

BELLY BOY said...

Us fat men love Japanese women, especially on airplanes.

Thanks for making my blog post into a full-fledged article.

I am a glutton, a gormandizer, an eat beast, a pork beast, a land whale, AND a lard whale. AND I STAND PROUD OF THAT!! :)))))) (that's me smiling, with lots of chins underneath. Yeah, I have more chins than the Shanghai Yellow Pages.)

I am trying to talk the pregnant acolyte of Big Lard Ass into realizing that Big Lard Ass is the father, not me, and hopefully it will work. She said I have to persuade her sexually, and it's going to be VERY difficult to compete against Big Lard Ass sexually. Ever since he lost the weight he has been PLOWING through his acolytes at a record pace; even though he is middle aged he still bangs at least 1 every day.

As for the pictures of the airline food, that one in the lower right corner, some kind of cake? I'd tap that. Not sexually, I mean calorically, as in, eating it.

As for the picture of the fat dude with the mustache, and the sandals, I think it is great when you reach that point where you know that you are so fat that you no longer have to bother with your appearance, and you go for pure comfort, wearing sandals, shorts, and a big shirt. AHH, that's the life! I myself reached that point a long time ago, except instead of a mustache, I have a full beard most of the time because that means I don't have to shave. With all of my chins / neck fat, shaving my neck was a real pain in the ass, plus waddling over to the mirror, etc, it's all just a waste of time and money.

Airships may turn out to be the best answer for transporting us fat people. Airships have much more lifting capacity, and are highly fuel efficient as well, meaning that the price of tickets should be low even when gas prices rise.

They can put solar panels on the blimps to power them up using the sun, as well as wind turbines on the sides to harness the power of the wind. Yeah it'd be slower than a plane, but it would be comfortable, cheap, and relaxing. They could stock up on food and make it an enjoyable experience for everyone, y'know?

Now before you talk about the Hindenburg, that was filled with hydrogen, which is flammable. In the 1920s and 1930s, Germany had very little helium, so they couldn't afford to use helium, which is not flammable. The US had lots of helium, which is what we always used for our airships. So, we don't have to worry about another Hindenburg scenario if we start making big fat airships again.

I also like the fact that airships LOOK fat. We need to build a mega-airship that is about 10 times the size of the Hindenburg, with special turbo-powered engines on it, lots of solar panels, and lots of wind turbine things too. That would be so awesome. Remember, since the helium lifts it upwards, your engines only have to keep you going forward, not up in the air. Also it's safer since if the pilot falls asleep it won't crash.

Also all of the stewardesses should be Asian women on the blimps. Preferably ones not wearing underwear, and wearing very high-cut uniforms. They should all be sexually attracted to larger men, especially apple-shaped men.

Also, I love guns, smoking, voting, and eating, but not in that order!


joe said...

New documentary-style cable network project casting NOW for people of all sizes and shapes to talk about their sex lives!!

Do you openly prefer, pursue, and date plus-sized individuals? Are you only physically attracted to full-figured partners? Are you proud of your voluptuous figure and want to share with the world how fantastic your sex life is? Do you think being plus size makes sex better? If so, we want to hear from you!

We are looking for couples/individuals who can show the world that sex can be incredible no matter what your size! We are interested in fun, fearless couples and individuals who want to share with us their experiences and stories about why “bigger is better”!

To learn more and obtain an application, please email your story, contact information and family photo to

Fat Bastard said...

@ Belly Boy,

I would love to travel by blimp. They will go about 120 MPH and they would be very roomy. The Sky Pig is actually not lighter than air but it does have helium for extra bouancy. It's considered a hybrid.

I think they should name the flag ship of the fleet the USS Belly Boy. The big ones should be the Belly Boy Class They should build smaller ones for shuttle flights. They should be the Teddy Bear class and name the flag ship the USS Fat Bastard.

Every stewardess should be Japanese or nurses from the Heart Attack Grill.

Actually, the galley should have a Heart Attack Grill.

Anonymous said...

Whine away silly piggy, whine away.

BELLY BOY said...

Hear me swagger
Hear me oink
Hear my laughter
Hear me boink
All the ladies
All the time
All the ladies
All the time


You might say that I am whining away, but I am Belly Boy, dawg so just come hear me play
I'll lay a funky beat down just slappin BOOM BOOM BOOM
As I lay down with my belly spreader and she goes BOOM BOOM BOOM
I'm talkin' sex, yo', the Belly Boy sex
Sex, yo', the Belly Boy sex
(You talkin' WHAT, now?)
UNGH! That Belly Boy sex

So yeah, anyway I think the varying sizes of blimps is a good idea, as are the names. It would be a way to travel in style, luxury, and comfort, with huge ramps into the blimp, and bench seats so that everyone can fit, whether they are really fat or really skinny or in between.


Fat Bastard said...

Anonymous said...

Whine away silly piggy, whine away.

That's right whine and dine. OINK!

BELLY BOY said...


Okay, now that I have everyone's attention, I have an important announcement.

It turns out that when I was in Africa, with Big Lard Ass, we used one of Big Lard Ass's contacts and got laid. I have passed my HIV test, and so has Big Lard Ass, so the good news is that we do not have HIV!!

On the other hand, I believe that I may have contracted a case of herpes, although I am not sure if it is just a bad case of Fold Sores.

I hate it when I get Fold Sores, which is the bad part about being my size. In Africa, when you are big you get a LOT of respect, and the women swoon because of your manly musk and superior size.

We're planning a trip to Japan soon, and I can't wait!! I predict that Japanese women will love my fat even more. They also love to feed, feed, feed! I'm not worried about the radiation, because my fat will insulate me from the radiation.

The woman who says I am the father of her unborn child is now considering an abortion. I don't approve, but it's up to her I guess.


Fat Bastard said...

I doubt if you got the herpes Belly Boy. Most likely you have fold sores but there is a blood teat to herpes.

Belly Boy, they will fucking love you in Japan but they may be worried that you may cause an earth quake.

You may want to enter a sumo tournament and kick some ass.

Those Japanese women will get throbbing lady boners over you and the Rev. They say Japanese women have the tastiest snappers. There is also a rumor that Japanese women have pussies that are horizontal so the more they spread their legs the tighter they get sorta like a fat fold but I think that may be a rumor. Let us know it it's true.


Fat Bastard said...

Once again Belly Boy one of your brilliant comments went into spam and I could not get it to appear.

I am really getting sick of Google Blog spot and their bullshit.

a R.N. said...

FYI, HIV can lie dormant in the blood stream for up to 6 months. You have to be tested 3 weeks, 3 months and 6 months after possible exposure. It would be highly irresponsible to continue having sex as you could possibly expose others to infection.

Fat Bastard said...

Belly Boy is fat and I think his yeast and other organisms on his skin eat the HIV virus. Also, 1% of Caucasians are immune to HIV. so there is a 1 in 100 chance that Belly Boy is immune.

wulfheard said...

I’m getting tired of purchasing 2 or 3 seats for my wife when we travel. I agree the least airlines can do is offer bench seating for those traveling with larger than average needs. It’s bad enough that my wife can barely get down the aisle and cannot use the on board bathroom without having to be seated and squashed in too small a space and not even be given a bag of peanuts. Airlines suck when it comes to large travelers. The money fat people spend is just as green as the money the skinny people lay out and its worth just as much. Since fat is rapidly becoming the norm in the US I think all domestic carriers should cater to heavier people a little more. It’s only fair and it would ensure future repeat business. Many fatties would love to travel more but the airlines and snooty shinny people make it so damn difficult. I wonder what the airlines will do when a full 80% or more of the US population is too fat to sit in one seat comfortably. It seems to me that they will have to change their policies or go out of business.

Fat Bastard said...

I have called for better technology and the industry has responded with a 1/2 blimp 1/2 plane known in engineering circles as the sky pig. It will be the size of an aircraft carrier and it will be 10 or 15 years before us fatlings outgrow it.

The industry listens to me, Fat Bastard.