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Saturday, September 25, 2010

Paula Deen vs Ina Garten: Who's Hotter?

 Paula Deen vs Ina Garten: Who's Hotter?
By Proud FA

This may be hotly debated. I, Proud FA am writing this article because Fat Bastard is photoshopping MeMe Roth's face on nudes and beating off he's getting all hot over Rachel Ray. Fat guys love skinny chicks.
Looks good. Cooks good. Rachel Ray puts lead in Fat Bastard's pencil and food on his plate!

While there aren't as many fat female TV chefs as there are males, the two top chefs male or female have to be Paula Deen the Butter Queen and the Barefoot Contessa, Ina Garten.
Paula Deen: Hot older Dixie MILF!
Ina Garten: Demure DC Diva

As our Bigger Fatter Blog readers know I have porked many many fat women over the years so I will be giving my expert opinion on which one of these two is the hottest. The obvious choice is the Butter Queen Paula Deen because she seems so uninhibited and bawdy. Well most fat chicks are bawdy and a bit uncouth and often that translates into good sex BUT that is not always the case. Sometime it that fat little wallflower who will wear you out.

This may surprise you but Ina Garten won Hot Slut of the Week on dlisted. Here is what dlisted had to say about Ina:
Claim to Fame: Ina can do it fucking all. She's a military wife who worked at the White House, but got sick of that shit, so she bought and ran a store called Barefoot Contessa in New York. After the store closed, she started writing cookbooks which led to her show on the Food Network.
Where is she now? Probably sticking pins in her Sandra Lee voodoo doll.
Why is she Hot Slut of the Week? Because Ina Garten does it all with grace and elegance. She's a self-taught cook, hostess and former house flipper! I have no clue why, but I'm fucking obsessed with house flipping. That's what Ina needs to do next: a house flipping show. I'd watch it until my eyeballs crusted over.

Ina is soft spoken, refined and domesticated and that is rare in a fat girl. I find that very sexy! Ina would probably act coy like a skinny chick. She also dotes on her husband Jeffery. That too is sexy. I bet Ina is really into food in bed as part of the hot sex. Ina has a great fat girl butt.

Eat G. R. I. T. S! Girls Raised In The South

It's quite obvious. Paula Deen is a big bodied bodacious sexy Southern belle. She comes off like she is a "dirty girl" whereas Ina seems like a "good girl". First impressions can be deceiving. One thing that put a kink in my dink was when I was watching Paula Deen along with Fat Bastard when she drank a bowl of melted butter! I high fived Fat Bastard and and shouted, SHE KNOWS! FAT FATTENS BEST!
I nearly came in my pants! What a food slut! HOW UNCOUTH and SLUTTISH! I would love to feed this mature fat MILF! There is nothing like a dis inhibited mature food slut. She basically told the American Heart Association to go fuck themselves and she did it in such  direct and slutty way!

OK BFB readers, the jury is still out and you are the jury. Let us know what you think.

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Billy Porksum said...

I gotta give the looks to Ina Garten but Paula Deen is the biggest slut. Ina is probably one of these few fat girls that is selective.

Gluttonous George said...

now that's what I call intuitive eating

Gluttonous George said...

she listened to her body and her body demanded a bowl of butter

Fat Bastard said...

Gluttonous George said...

now that's what I call intuitive eating she listened to her body and her body demanded a bowl of butter


Gluttonous George,

You hit the nail on the head. That is a great example of intuitive eating. It was so instinctive and primitive and while I am not an FA like Proud FA I am impressed with her unabashed gluttony. The Butter Queen ROCKS!

As a fat guy I am mostly only able to bone skinny white trash. Paula is like one of their fat trailer dwelling mommas.

Fat Bastard said...

Also, I am more attracted to Ina because she's not all loud. I know she has fattitude but it more subtle and that is sexy.

I pretty much agree with Billy Porksum on the looks. I think if they were both skinny I'd give the edge to Ina cause she would have that girl next door look but Paula looks like a slut you'd pick up in a honky tonk.

Of course my true love/hate is MeMe Roth but she's happily married. I am so hot for her that I would give up junk food so that I could bone her... NAW! Just kidding! LOL No woman, not even MeMe is that hot.

Teddy Bear said...

I have to be honest.

Paula Deen has some bad looking teeth. Now if she were to get some dental work done on her teeth then she would look much better.

Just my opinion. OK?

Fat Bastard said...

@ Teddy,

She could use some dental work but that would cut into her eating a cooking.

Fat Bastard said...

I think they are equally hot in different ways. I bet Ina talks dirty.

Teddy Bear said...


I have just created a new article at my blog . . . . .


My latest article is titled . . .


Here is my new policy.

From now on, when I make anymore new cartoon drawing of super super morbidly obese apple-shaped males, if his belly hangs down more than half-way down over his thighs, or down to his knees, or lower, then any new drawings that I create of apple-shaped males will be depicted IN THE NUDE as naked as the day he was born!

NO, there will be NOTHING that would be considered pornographic because if a guy's belly hangs down over his thighs then his private parts are completely concealed, hidden under his low-hanging belly.

That is because, if your belly hangs down more than half-way over the thighs, or down to the knees, or even lower, then it would be almost virtually impossible to put on shorts or pants.

But if his belly only hangs down over his groin, or less than half-way down over his thighs, then he will still be shown wearing shorts or pants.

Otherwise, if a guys belly hangs down to his knees, then he shall be in the nude, and when you can't put on shorts or pants anymore, then . . . why even bother to puton a shirt?

That is my new web site policy!

So, please do check out my latest post on my blog!

Thank you!

Oh! By the way . . . . .

Today, September 30th is my birthday!

I am now 59 years old.

Fat Bastard said...

Happy B-Day Teddy!

Sung to the tune of Happy Birthday.

Oink oink oink oink, OINK OINK!

Oink oink oink oink, OINK OINK!

Oink oink oink oink, Oink oink oink oink....

Oink oink oink oink, OINK OINK!

How fat are you now?

How fat are you now?

How fat are you Teddy?

How fat are you now?

Instead of a B-day spanking Eat some 59 bon bons. Then 1 to grow on, two to grow on, 3 to grow on and a pinch of cheese to grow an inch.

Anonymous said...

I'd like to bury my sausage in Rachel Ray. I'd like to have her at one of our Monday Nite football parties dressed like a slutty cheerleader. That would be HOT!

She's much hotter than Paula Deen or that Prozac Queen Ina Garten.

Fat Bastard said...

Rachel Ray is hotter than a burner on high! She's a fat boy's wet dream. I would love it if she would cook for men and feed me while she's dressed all slutty.