Peace Through
By Fat Bastard
We all know what the sanctions in the Treaty of Versailles did when inflicted upon war torn Germany after WW-1. When you impede a human being's natural greed they get really pissed off and end up doing bad things. The Treaty of Versailles did not punish the Bismarkians but it instead punished the German people or at least that is what is argued by some historians. Germany was hurting economically before WW-2. This was one of the factors that allowed the Nazi party to come to power.
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| Fat, Content and Happy Sergeant Shultz |
Angry, skinny and ambitious Hitler... WHAT A PUTZ!
A Caesar Salad
Let me have men about me that are fat,
Sleek-headed men and such as sleep a-nights.
Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look,
He thinks too much; such men are dangerous.
Let me have men about me that are fat,
Sleek-headed men and such as sleep a-nights.
Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look,
He thinks too much; such men are dangerous.
Cassius appeared to Caesar like an underfed anorexic chick bent on stealing a fat girl's boyfriend. His "lean and hungry look" unsettled Julius Caesar, who preferred the company of fat, contented men—who wouldn't bite the hand that feeds them. Cassius looks like he's been up late nursing his envy, a situation that bodes ill for the dictator.
I'm sure you are all thinking now, "OK Fat Bastard, how does this apply to modern times?"
Nuke Leftovers NOT People!
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton needs to get her skinny ass back in the kitchen and feed Bill! Have you seen how skinny Bubba is these days? It's appalling. Instead of Hillary going over to the Middle East and trying to broker a peace with those crazy goat humping baby raping Mooslims we need to send these folks FOOD. Bring some Krispy Creme donunts next time you negotiate with Mahmoud AhMADineJihad.
Food is not only the language of love but it is the language of peace. Food transcends all language. When people are making yummy sounds they're not in the mood to quarrel and the fatter they get the hungrier they are and the more often they will eat and the more yummy sounds they will make. YUM!
Make Pie Not War!
Let's crunch some numbers. It costs over 100 million dollars just to kill one Taliban asshole. That's insane! Put a few hundred fast food restaurants in Afganistan. Make some McGoat Burgers or some Camel Humpin Fries and serve them at a price any Taliban moron can afford. I can see it now. Instead of those ass-lifters shouting Allah Akbar (God is Great) as they cut off some infidel's head they will be shouting McDonalds Akbar! (McDonald's is great!) Compared to the crap they eat once they get a taste of fast food, McDonalds will have them eating a McSausage Pig Burgers.
Sure there will be some fundamentalist holdouts but for them I say send them some Moon Pies. After all, they do worship that silly Pagan moon god. Put some ice cream on it it and call it Pie Allah Mode. They'll love it.
Here's a sample menu:
Sharia Shakes (beaten like a Muslim wife)
Haddith Hash Brown (made with opiated hashish)
Mohammad Burgers (served by a 9 year old girl... like the kind Rush Limbaugh fucks when he's in the Dominican Republic on a sex tour or like Mohammad's wife Aisha)
Fedayeen Fries (after eating that you will martyr yourself for no reason)
Jihad Dogs (made with real dog meat)
Hamas Hot Cakes (made with yellow cake)
Iraq of Lamburgers
Fat people are simply to fat and lazy to fight. Fighting is too much work! Why fight when you can be enjoying your favorite fast food?
There is not one single fatling in this crowd. That's the problem. Fat = Sedate.
He who lives by the fork shall not die by the sword!
(Maybe we should nuke Mecca) 
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| Why would you want to chop some poor slob's head off when you can sink your choppers into this bad boy? |
All we are saying is give peas a chance!
All we are saying is give peas a chance!
All we are saying is give peas a chance! All we are saying is give peas a chance!
20 comments:
They need to experience American fast food culture in the rest of the world. McDonalds, KFC, Pizza Hut, Dominoes, Fatburger, Heart Attack Grill, In-n-Out Burger, Chick Fil-a, Church's Chicken, White Castle, Wendy's, Burger King, Hardee's, Sonic, Dairy Queen, Arby's, Dunkin' Donuts, Krystal, Burger Time, Burritoville, Taco Bell, Carl's Jr, Checkers, Cinnabon, Del Taco, TCBY, Nathans, Jack in the Box, Arthur Trecher's, Krispe Kreme, Long John Silver, and Wing Zone.
Those are just ones I can think of off the top of my head. I am the king of fast food.
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA, give me a great big meal!
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA, at a price that is a steal!
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA, I want burgers, chicken, fries
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA, 'bout enough to feed ten guys!
Oh no but I'm not done yet.
Oh no, cuz ya'll ain't got enough food
Oh no, how much more could I get?
Oh no, you better watch your attitude!!
GIMMIE some hot dogs, some pizza, a tray of spaghetti, a shake, mo' fries (cuz I'm tired of yo' lies), and just when you think that you are almost all out, to go with my hot dogs gimmie lots of sauerkraut (sauerkraut, sauerkraut, sauerkraut...)
AAAAND NOW I SAY:
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA, I'm not tryin' to be rude!
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA, I just love fast food!
BELLY BOY
Tell it Belly Boy! Tell it!
Boom Shakka Lakka Soak it in grease.
Boom Shakka Lakka gonna bring world peace.
Boom Shakka Lakka get in a good mood.
The way to do that is with food food food!
EAT YO!
You give those fanatical ass lifters enough fast food and they will be too fat to get down on their knees and lift their skinny butts to Allah. The only Allahs they will be interested in is Ala Carte and pie ala mode.
All we are saying is give food a chance.
@Fat Bastard
Did you know that obesity is rising a lot in the Middle East? This is good news for world peace. Saudi Arabia for example has levels of obesity that are starting to approach even those of North America, the world's fattest continent.
If we can get the Middle East and Asia fattified, then world peace will come about very quickly. Fatten up Africa, and everything will be great.
My strategy involves focusing a lot of technology on new foods, new artificial flavoring (full calories), banning diet sodas etc, and and promoting gluttony as not just a lifestyle choice but as a basic human right.
The more fat you are, the more of a human you are. The more you weigh, the more votes you should get. Belly Boy is worth like 2 dozen Anas, because Anas weigh like 60 lbs, and Belly Boy weighs like 1,350 lbs. Just think about the fact that Belly Boy weighs as much as about 24 other grown-ups. Wow!
However, Belly Boy only weighs about as much as 3 or 4 Mias, since Mias are morbidly obese fatlings trying to be Anas.
Back to obesity and peace. It's no surprise that obesity is taking off in the Middle East, because women are hidden under their burkahs anyway, and the garments are loose fitting, plus nobody except their fat husbands will notice if they are getting fat.
Also, fat women are considered sexier in the Middle East. With no porn, or magazines, etc, men are happy with any woman, and the more of her there is, the better. She's not allowed to leave the house without a man, so there's nothing for her to do except sit at home and eat and pray. As for men, they want to emulate the rich people, who are always fat. Muscles are seen as something for the poor drones, whereas the wealthy successful men are obese and just live off the oil profits.
However, to ramp up the food production enough, our thinling population is going to have to be whipped into overdrive. With the latest recession, what you will find is that it is mostly morbidly obese people who are no longer employed, and society is transitioning into its permanent future, where the Overlords of Overhang will be the leaders.
The first step is permanent unemployment benefits for the unemployed. Meanwhile, we need to hire more thinlings to work on the farms, open up more farm land, and grow more food so that the prices decrease and we can start fattening up other countries as well as ramping up our own obesity.
At first the thinlings will have to make more money than unemployed fatlings, but this is a necessary transition phase that will eventually change, however it is needed for now. The tipping point is when the Obesity level hits 51%, and the Overweight level hits 90%. Obesity should cap off at 75%, so that there will be enough thinlings to support our economy and society until technology advances to the point where thinlings become obsolete.
The only danger is that obesity is advancing faster than technology. So we have to use our thinlings to maximum effect NOW, before it is TOO LATE. We have to squeeze as much work out of them as possible with the little time we have left, and get the less obese fatlings to focus on technology, before they get too lazy.
This was all revealed to me by a vision from the Elders of the Faedari.
Regards,
BLA
@BLA
I was aware that the Middle East is plumping up and fat friendly. You pointed out our ally Saudi Arabia. The Saudis get it. Oil rich countries are ripe for fattitude enhancement. The Saudi Royal family are all a bunch if fat asses. Kuwait is another prime example of fattitude. They don't work there. They hire thinlings. The citizens of Kuwait live like kings.... BIG FAT KINGS!
Alaska is another fat place and like Kuwait's fatlings Alaskans get part of the money from mineral rights that are paid to Alaska.
Belly Boy would make a fine embassador to the Middle East. Just the pomp and circumstance of his arrivals and departures would awe the Arab world.
Bigger Fatter Blog receives about 300 page views a day from the Middle East. I know that is not a lot but those numbers are growing. Some have even left comments. Perhaps is should translate some articles into Arabic.
You said a mouthful when you discussed the proper use of our thinling servants. This is another area where Belly Boy's fattitude can serve as a shining example to how to exploit them to our advantage. Belly Boy is a master.
As long as we keep greed alive we will advance technology. If we squawk & squeal enough we will get our needs met. The wheels that do the squeakin get the grease.
اكبر أسمن المدونة هو أعظم بلوق ذات الدهون في العالم. بعد قراءة أكبر أسمن المدونة الآن وأنا أعلم أن الله هو خنزير
Anonymous said...
اكبر أسمن المدونة هو أعظم بلوق ذات الدهون في العالم. بعد قراءة أكبر أسمن
المدونة الآن وأنا أعلم أن الله هو خنزير
Translation:
Biggest fattest blog is the greatest blog of fat in the world. After reading the blog more fatter now and I know that God is a pig.
I’m going to take a little different approach here. Let’s face it; summertime in the Middle East can be brutally hot. Fat people by virtue of their wonderful extra padding are not happy campers when the temperature rises. Creating a population of morbidly obese people in such places like Saudi Arabia, or Iran could serve to only increase tensions. Hot sweaty fat people are generally a cranky bunch and can be very combative if something doesn’t go quite to their liking. I for one don’t want to see a nuclear Iran with a big fat, overheated, sweaty, cranky ass, Mahmoud Ahmadinejiad with his finger on the button.
Furthermore think of the poorer people who don’t have the benefit of AC. All the women carrying all those lovely extra pounds and all covered up in one of those black tents will simply wither away under the summer sun. I know if you put my wife in one of those black shrouds she wouldn’t make ten steps in 100 degree heat before passing out and falling to the ground like an enormous sack of sizzling pork fat. Imagine an entire country of massively obese people with their folds of blubber rubbing and chaffing painfully in the heat each time they made the slightest movement. Their agony will create another world health crisis and inflame the already obnoxious anti-obesity fever that grips many of the global health initiatives. And just remember as people eat and grow in size the more our carbon emissions increase as the need for fuel increases due to the extreme weight of motorized vehicle users. This will lead to even higher temperatures on a global scale and will threaten the comfort of our North American fatlings that so richly deserve the soft living that they need to survive.
I think we don’t need to purposely fatten the populations of the Middle East and Asia because once they see that we here in the US are all either too fat or are too busy taking care of our fat loved ones, they will realize that we are a non aggressive threat. They will also see that we are the biggest by far consumer of their goods and services and they will ultimately see the economic benefit to themselves in keeping us as fat as possible. I believe that is the better approach and will go a long way in helping to fix this big fat global terrorism mess that the lean and hungry assholes have created. It will also provide to shed a new and favorable light on obese people and obesity in general. If we follow my game plan I predict that fat people could eventually be hailed as the reason for world peace, friendly global cooperation and could just lead to mans greatest societal and spirtual advancement in history.
Wolf,
There is a lot of latent cooling caused by the low humidity. It's like it could be 90F bit it will feel like 75. Sure they will be hotter but it will motivate them to get air conditioners which will be good for the economy.
All that extra sweating will turn the arid dessert in to a giant lush green oasis.
The problem with your economic theory is that Middle East is not capitalist. They are Islmamist. They don't acquire wealth through the same means of worker exploitation. They simply steal it. Fat people are not thieves.
This video will clear things up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkbvJFEQgJU
Rev BLA know they metaphysical power of fat. Fat is love. Food is love. Food is happiness and so is fat.
Gluttony is not a means to an end it is the answer to all of life's mysteries. EAT!
@Fat Bastard,
Well most of the Kuwaitis are not that wealthy, they don't distribute the oil profits to the general population in Kuwait like they do in Alaska. In Alaska everybody gets like $3,000 a year from the oil trust, even kids. That makes it the perfect place for anyone on a fixed income to move, because after 1 year you get Alaskan citizenship and are eligible for the funds.
In Kuwait, they have dorms for foreign workers from Africa and Asia, where they house and feed the worklings when they are done with their 7 day a week 14 hour shifts. The government takes all of the profits, they are not just given out to the people. On the other hand, this means the government doesn't need to collect much taxes, so the tax rates are lower. Also there are good jobs for petroleum engineers, geologists, and scientists.
Kuwait is not like ancient Rome where there was a slave-owning caste of richlings. Instead the foreigners can leave if they want, and most eventually burn out and leave within a few years, and are replaced by more young poorlings.
In actuality, most oil-rich nations are very poor despite the oil wealth. Russia, Venezuela, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Nigeria, Iraq, Angola, Algeria, Ecuador, and Libya for example are all have a small group of maybe 1% richlings and like 90% of the rest are very poor. Usually the government owns all the oil, or the ruler's friends own it, so that way they can keep all the profits for themselves.
The problem is that the general population in those countries are poor and starving. Most people say let's try to get them not to be poor, but I say the way to do that is to first get them fat. Then they will start to stand up for themselves, and demand more rights, and soon they will no longer be poor. They need to have fattitude in order to stand up against corrupt cronyism.
In the US we have market capitalism with not much corruption except in the banking/finance industry, and that is why we have historically been so successful, while other countries focused more on trying to evenly distribute the wealth (Europe), enrich the leader (Africa, Latin America, & Asia until the 1980s), or base their economy on what the worst German ever (Marx) said, which turned out to be garbage and set those countries back 50 years.
It is only with fattitude that people can advance their conditions. When 10,000 Anas march, nobody even notices because they are invisible. When 1,000 morbidly obese gay men in leather chaps march, the entire city of San Francisco grinds to a halt. Fat people are bigger and more intimidating, and you cannot be sure if they are armed because of the Folds Factor. They are impervious to tasers because of their blubber, if you try to hose them down one of them will just drink the stream, and even if you try to arrest them their arms can't fit close enough together to handcuff them. Plus you can't fit many of them in the police cars or jails.
When people get FATTITUDE, their self esteem increases. They start to tap into their inner greed, and seek more food, as well as more rights for themselves. In an unjust society like in African countries, the dictators keep their populations starving while they live in palaces, because they know that a nation of Anas is powerless to rise up against them. Cheap fast food is the only way to overthrow those dictatorships.
continued...
I do agree with you that the Middle East is primarily Islamist, not capitalist. The Islamist sort of economic system is usually taken to mean basically a version of socialism, where they try to pacify the population with handouts in order to keep them from rebelling.
So in Venezuela you can get gasoline for about 4 cents a gallon, and in Iran they had riots when they raised the price to like 24 cents a gallon. (I know they measure it in liters, but I'm equating 4 liters to roughly 1 gallon.) Since oil is the most profitable area, that's what they invest everything into, so unless you have connections to the government, you have no way to get rich in those countries.
In the US, yeah there are lots of crap jobs that are arguably somewhat exploitative. Except that they aren't. Why? Because you can learn a skill like auto repair, or carpentry, or plumbing and go out and make $225,000 a year if you're willing to dedicate 10 years of working hard 60 hour weeks to get good at it. Or you can go to college and get an office job and eventually make $80k to sit in an air conditioned building checking your e-mail for 40 hours a week with full benefits. If you're poor in Egypt, you're shit out of luck no matter how hard you are willing to work or how smart you are. If you're poor in the US, you have the power to change that and become middle class if you make that your #1 priority in life. That's why our system is fair and not exploitative. You can work your way up to being the exploiter. OINK OINK!!
@Wolf
I see what you are saying, however you are forgetting some things about Islamic culture. Yes the women are wearing tent sheets, but they only do that when they go outside the home, which they are only allowed to do if their husband, father, brother, or son accompanies them. They are not legally allowed to drive. So, they don't get out much at all except to go to mosque. The man does all the working, shopping, and socializing. The women do housework, eat, pray, and (make) love to their husband. By the way, you can have up to 4 wives in Islam. So in other words, you don't have to worry about the fat chicks falling down, they will just stay home more except for religious services.
The fatlings would rise up against the evil governments because fat people don't tolerate people screwing around with them. Thus, the nuke issue wouldn't be a problem because that government would be replaced by a fat-friendly, pro-West government led by calm and peaceful fatlings.
As for your concerns about Global Warming, first of all there is no proof that it is due to human activities. Second, it is a proven fact that fatlings are more efficient than thinlings because they are lazier, and thus get by with a minimum level of effort. While thinlings are out jogging, living to 90 years old, building a second house, etc, fatlings stay at home and watch TV, which does not cause as much pollution. Plus we die sooner so we produce less pollution over the course of our lives even if we did produce slightly more pollution per year, per fatling.
More obesity will lead to better advancements in food technology such as a way to clone meat, which would eliminate the need for herding cattle, a major source of the greenhouse effect. Instead we'd clone meat in supermarkets, and save on transportation and processing costs by doing it all on-site. These kinds of advancements will NEVER occur with thinlings calling all the shots, as they see food only as a means to an end (survival) whereas we fatlings see the bigger picture and look at it as an end in itself (the pleasure of eating), and thus we will be the ones looking to make advancements in food technology. That's why all the good chefs are fatlings, or would-be fatlings who just exercise a lot.
As Fat Bastard said, the heat will encourage people to get air conditioners, which will help the economy even more. It will also encourage people to stay indoors, and thus they will not be out plotting attacks against innocent people, and will be more concerned with gaining and maintaining than with scheming and dreaming.
If we fatten up but the Middle East does not, then they will rise up and be the dominant force in the world and just try to take it over. It's about the balance of power - if we all get fat, we all win. If one side stays thin, the greed of the thinling is to take from the fatling. Since we're getting fat, we have to make the other sides catch up so that they don't try to dominate us once we're too fat to fight back that well.
That is why I am a firm believer in making sure that we keep making jobs for fatlings so they can be productive until we get our science up to where we don't have to work anymore, and meanwhile the other countries will also be equally fat, and thus nobody will want to take anyone else over, and we can all live in peace forever.
The biggest barrier to this happening is the growing gastronomical divide between nations. Other countries need to get their eat on, so to speak. Spreading our fast food to the Middle East is the best possible way to accomplish this, and thereby help world peace and economic prosperity.
BLA
I would just like to say one thing about the environment. Obesity is green. Think about it. Sure we have a bigger carbon foot print initially in that we breath out a lot more CO2 but the food that gets grown to feed us and the animals that feed us soak up that extra CO2 and convert it to oxygen.
Here is where we are greener than thinlings. Because we have very high metabolic rates we produce much more heat and while this may cost more in the cooling season but in the heating season we actually want lower temperatures and our bodies heat buildings in the winter.
Fatlings are green.
We also fart a lot and if we lit are farts we could we would produce more heat. Farts are like natural gas and natural gas in a green fuel. It is very much like hydrogen.
Our fat is a great fuel source. CG Brady did the calculations on how much energy can me derived from the syphoning blubber off us fatlings and let is suffice to say that if we sucked out even 20lbs per fatling it would produce over one trillion gigawatts of power.
Fat is a renewable energy source. Petroleum is a finite resource. When it's gone it's gone. Fat will last forever.
If we began using human fat as fuel we could produce enough diesel fuel and jet fuel to run every truck, bus, train and plane in the US with plenty left over for heating fuel.
Willie Nelson can have his Bio-Willie. I'll go with Bio-Blubber. Feed the corn for bio diesel to cows and us fatling first instead of making corn oil into diesel and corn sugar into alcohol.
Obesity is a green technology!
Oink!
The Chef thinks that Fat Bastard and Proud FA are onto somethin here. Tantalizin them Arab folks with fine American food will go a long way to get them to stop their fussin & fightin.
BLA pointed out that them Saudi folks is fat by they rich. It's them one in Afganistan that are all skinny. Look how skinny that Osambo Bin Laden is. The Chef thinks he might be dead at that he starved hisself to death.
Instead of droppin bombs on them we should be droppin food.
Normally I just oink when I post but I would like to contribute a bit of history to this discussion.
http://www.breakthechain.org/exclusives/pershing.html
One important thing to note beforehand is that Muslims detest pork because they believe pigs are filthy animals. Some of them simply refuse to eat it, while others won't even touch pigs at all, nor any of their by-products. To them, eating or touching a pig, its meat, its blood, etc., is to be instantly barred from paradise (and those 72 virgins) and doomed to hell.
Just before World War One, there were a number of terrorist attacks on the United States forces in the Philippines by; you guessed it, Muslims. So General Pershing captured 50 terrorists and had them tied to posts execution style. He then had his men bring in two pigs and slaughter them in front of the now horrified terrorists.
The soldiers then soaked their bullets in the pigs blood, and proceeded to execute 49 of the terrorists by firing squad. The soldiers then dug a big hole, dumped in the terrorist's bodies and covered them in pig blood, entrails, etc. They let the 50th terrorist go. And for the next forty-two years, there was not a single Muslim extremist attack anywhere in the world.
I think if we send the Chef to Gitmo he should only cook pork. Soon the Muslims will crave pork. When that happens killing infidels as per the Koran instruction won't get them into heaven so they might as well just eat and get fat and happy like us.
@ Pig
That's a great fucking idea!
My plan involves making Belly Boy Burgers the official food of Earth. All non-thinlings and non-leanlings would be required to eat one at least every week, and this would bring up the global weight very rapidly.
I would be entitled to $2.84 in royalties per Belly Boy Burger, quickly making me a billionaire, and then the richest man in the world due to selling so many burgers.
I'd give Belly Boy $0.84 per burger, also making him a billionaire. However in his will it would all be left to me, Big Lard Ass.
One of the important things to remember about the whole eco-friendly stuff is that styrofoam fast food containers are excellent at keeping food warm. This cuts down on microwave use, saving energy. It's also more fun to use than wrappers, which get soaked with too much grease. It's not as satisfying as the styro containers that were phased out during the 1990s as part of the expanding:
WAR ON FATLINGS
So we must strike back, by writing letters to fast food restaurants asking them to bring back the old containers ASAP, and also to make a new kind of burger that has chicken nuggets plus a regular burger in it. I'm making myself hungry just thinking about it. MMMM!!!
Okay, I think I'll break down and make myself a Belly Boy Burger, for good old time's sake. I should only gain a little weight from it, but it will be worth it.
And yes, I invented a NEW SECRET INGREDIENT plus the SPECIAL SECRET CHEESE SAUCE RECIPE.
Regards,
BLA
Anonymous BLA said...
My plan involves making Belly Boy Burgers the official food of Earth. All non-thinlings and non-leanlings would be required to eat one at least every week, and this would bring up the global weight very rapidly.
I would be entitled to $2.84 in royalties per Belly Boy Burger, quickly making me a billionaire, and then the richest man in the world due to selling so many burgers.
I'd give Belly Boy $0.84 per burger, also making him a billionaire. However in his will it would all be left to me, Big Lard Ass.
One of the important things to remember about the whole eco-friendly stuff is that styrofoam fast food containers are excellent at keeping food warm. This cuts down on microwave use, saving energy. It's also more fun to use than wrappers, which get soaked with too much grease. It's not as satisfying as the styro containers that were phased out during the 1990s as part of the expanding:
WAR ON FATLINGS
So we must strike back, by writing letters to fast food restaurants asking them to bring back the old containers ASAP, and also to make a new kind of burger that has chicken nuggets plus a regular burger in it. I'm making myself hungry just thinking about it. MMMM!!!
Okay, I think I'll break down and make myself a Belly Boy Burger, for good old time's sake. I should only gain a little weight from it, but it will be worth it.
And yes, I invented a NEW SECRET INGREDIENT plus the SPECIAL SECRET CHEESE SAUCE RECIPE.
Regards,
BLA
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Belly Boy Burger should be a staple but fatlings do not live on burgers alone. I do like the idea of a mandatory BB Burger but why not make it every day?
Why not make the containers edible? That would be more eco-friendly. Why eat ice cream from a dish when you can have a giant waffle cone?
I have been emailing all the fast food places. I have asked that instead of merely super sizing that they super duper size and ultra super duper and mega size everything.
Cheese CHEESE CHEESE! CHEEEEEEEES!
I would like to be baptized with spray cheese. OINK!
Hey guys, Belly Boy here with a new update.
I almost choked the other day, because a wedge of steak got caught in my windpipe.
Since I am so big, doing the Heimlich maneuver on me is impossible, nobody could reach their arms around me. I am too fat for hugs. (Yes I get depressed and cry about the fact that I'm never going to be hugged.) But luckily the butler/buttler was around and heard me thrashing about.
He used the plunger on my belly, and it was able to dislodge the wedge of steak by compressing my lungs.
I have been ordering my chef to cook my steaks by first soaking them in butter, and making sure to add lots and lots of salt. When I finally ate it it was delicious, but it dried out my throat and that triggered the choking.
So yeah, I almost died of a choke attack. Uncle Doc was very upset and said that I need to chew my food more, and maybe eat more slowly and savor it.
BULL! BULL! I CALL BULL! When I wanna eat, I wanna eat NOWWWW and I don't have time to waste chewing my food more than is absolutely necessary because I wanna get more stomach exercise instead of wasting all of these calories chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing. It would ruin my teeth because of how much I eat.
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA, I almost died
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA, on food that wasn't fried
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA, my butler saved me
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA, with a toilet plunger, see?
He plunged it on my belly, oh it didn't work!
He plunged it on my chest, oh what a jerk!
And then he plunged it up, under my rib cage
And then my food flew out my mouth, man I was so enraged!
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA, he saved my life!
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA, give me my fork and knife!
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA, I want another steak!
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA, and an entire cheesecake!
BELLY BOY
@ Belly Boy,
That story just gives me the chills!
I have a drink called the bloody bull. It's a bloody Mary with beef au jus. Add some butter and melted beef fat. I really like sinking my chops into a juicy Porterhouse steak but there is a lot of chewing. Me, I like to chew but if I ate as much as you do Belly Boy I would not like to do all that chewing.
Eat safer foods like aerosol cheese, ice cream and custards.
Boom Shakka Lakka please don't choke
Boom Shakka Lakka you're a real nice bloke
Get more food that's soft and sweet.
Boom Shakka Lakka EAT EAT EAT
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