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Is Obesity A Choice?

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Seasons of the Gluttons

I Fat Bastard love the fall. That hot sticky summer weather has passed and we fatlings are much more comfortable but what's better than that is that fall signals the beginning of the glutton season.

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ZIGGY SAKKI ZIGGY SAKKI EAT EAT EAT!

First comes Oktoberfest. More sausage gets delivered at Oktoberfest than all the Proud FA's laying dicks to the BBWs at a NAAFA convention not to mention the beer. While you won't see me Fat Bastard donning a pair of lederhosen or dancing a polka you will find me wolfing down a plate full of brats, German potato salad and a few quarts of St Paulis.

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Next comes gobblin time and I not just talking about ghosts and spooks or Turkey Day. I'm talking about the cornucopia of Halloween candy available to us gluttons not to mention they cider and donuts. I am talking about the bags and bags and bags of delicious candy available for pre Halloween gorging and don't forget... save some for the trick and treaters. You don't want to get your house TPed or your windows soaped.

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Thinnette presents BIRDZILLA!

Kick your seasonal gluttony in to high gear. The pilgrims and Squanto never envisioned the deliciously decadent Thanksgiving that we have today. I'd write more about it but just the thought of past Thanksgivings is making me drool all over my keyboard. It's not the turkey, it's all the trimmings! YUMMMMMMM!


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Seasons Greedings!

Good King Wenceslas may have looked out on the Feast of Stephen but I Fat Bastard sat down and ate the whole fucking thing. Just when you thought you couldn't take the break in celebratory gluttony any longer along comes the Yuletide Season aka Christmas -- the greediest and most gluttonous time of year. You don't have to wait until December 25th either. The eating starts long before that with X-mas parties and folks delivering goodies. The break between Thanksgiving and X-Mas is almost worth the wait. I said almost. LOL!

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They don't call it Happy New Years for no reason. New Years means one final mega food orgy. True gluttons don't just use the X-mas leftovers because with true gluttons there won't be any. Any resolutions made regarding diet and exercise will quickly melt away on Valentines Day more quickly than that big piece of Godiva Chocolate melts in your mouth.



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Check your blood sugar and check it often!
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HAPPY YEASTER!

7 comments:

BELLY BOY said...

OINK OINK OINK!

YEAH! IT'S OCTOBER!!

OH WAIT ONLY APRIL. IT IS EASTER.

MORE LIKE EAT-STER!

OINK OINK OINK!

I love Easter because I love eating lots of chocolate bunnies. I always gorge myself full of Cadbury eggs, as well as chocolate Easter bunnies. My buttler is making me Cadbury omlettes, which are regular 8-egg omlettes with Cadburry eggs cracked open with it as the filling. DELICIOUS. OH I AM SO HUNGRY!

UNNNNGH! I AM STARVING TO DEATH!! UNNNNNGH!! IT'S LIKE HOLDING MY BREATH!

I haven't eaten in 12 hours, so I'm really hungry right now. I am trying to go for finishing an entire Pizza Boy Burger today, which I think I can do. Lots of saurkraut on this will help. I've also been downing a LOT of whiskey, which always helps me think more clearly, and I've been smoking lots of Camel cigarettes as well, which adds to the anticipation of the meal I am about to enjoy.

Tomorrow I'm going to have all the Eatster foods, but tonight - I dine like a King.

BELLY BOY, GOUT

P.S. Big Lard Ass has been receiving death threats on his phone, and he found a bullet in his mail box. He's freaking out and just got a pistol permit, and told me he's going to put video cameras around his house. He thinks it is a crazed Fat Admirer Extremist. Do you guys have any suggestions of what gun he should get? He already got a double barrel shotgun at a gun show from last year but he wants at least one pistol to carry with him when he is out evangelizing and recruiting new followers.

He sounded very worried.

P.P.S. Oink, oink, oink.

Fat Bastard said...

EAT STER I love it. HAM HAM HAM

Cadbury eggs rule. I love chocolate flavored cheese.

I have been getting death threats too but I have had my people track them down. I got some peeps at Google and other places. Geeks are a dime a dozen these days. These guys are nerds.

As to BLA's personal protection I reccommend survielence cameras. My set up is classified.

A semi auto Bennelli or a Remmington 1100 Shot would be a good choice and a few Dobermans and a couple of angry pit bulls for good measure.

BELLY BOY said...

Oinkoinkoink.

Ugh, I had a HUGE Eat-ster Feast! I had an entire huge turkey by myself along with lots of stuffing and cranberry sauce, and many other fixin's.

Oinkoinkoink.

Not to mention all of my Eat-ster chocolate bunnies and Cadburry Eggs. So delicious. Period!

Anyway Rev. Lard Ass called the cops on some guys who were staking in front of his house for 2 hours and they were arrested. Turns out one of them had outstanding warrants and they both had unlicensed handguns, so they were arrested for that but not for stalking him or threatening him. So, I think he should be OK now. The guy with warrants had one for unpaid child supports and for armed robbery.

BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA
Crime don't pay
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA
Bad guys should chug Ben-Gay
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA
Then they will feel the burn
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA
As they get what they earned
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA
Mayo chips and turkey
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA
And some beef jerkey
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA
Yeah it's a lot of food
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA
But it puts me in the mood

The mood for EATING. The mood for CHEWING. The mood to SWALLOW. The mood to WALLOW.
In my own filth, just for an hour or two cuz when I enter Eating Mode then man that's just what I do.
I like to chew and chew and chew and chew and chew it up right.
I like to chew and chew and chew and chew and have a good night.
You gots to chug that shit and mold that shit and feel it up right.
You gots to move that shit and love that shit and pile it, aight?

BELLY BOY, GOUT
Belly Boy picks up the mike stand and throws it like a spear, as it hits one of the Rev. Lard Ass stalkers right in the testicles, causing him to wince slightly. He then shoots Belly Boy, but thankfully Belly Boy was wearing a Super Bariatric Ballistic Vest, plus his large stomach area caused the bullet to bounce off of that as well, and then the bullet bounces off of some pots and pans, then it strikes a series of wind chimes making beautiful music, as everyone in the room's eyes dart from place to place as the bullet is bouncing around the room. Finally, the bullet lands right back inside of the bad guy's gun, causing it to explode, which stuns him but doesn't injure him badly, and then he gets arrested for the attempted murder of Belly Boy, who is awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, the Reese's Pieces Price, a lifetime supply of Arby's and RC Cola, and a DVD Collection of the classic sitcom "Jake and the Fat Man" as well as the entire "Big Momma's House" Trilogy.

Fat Bastard said...

OINK! WOW BELLY BOY THAT WAS GREAT!

Roll Handler said...

FEED THE FAT!

Anonymous said...

What's the association between yeast and fat?

Fat Bastard said...

Us fat folks have fat folds and we are diabetic. As a result we often have yeast issues and fat girls almost always have yeast infections especially in the crotch and under their tits and with all the sweets during glutton season... You get the picture.