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Thursday, May 19, 2011

The Belly Boy Burger Contest

I think we know know that Belly Boy made short work of those 8 Quadruple Bypass Burgers. I kinda knew he would. He raised the bar. I think it is only fitting that we let his fans create a new standard worthy of Belly Boy. Why should Belly Boy be forced to suffer with what to him are sliders.

Since the story of his pilgrimage to the HAG went public both Proud FA's and my Email and voice mail have been swamped with pictures of burgers they created in honor of this historic event.
The Widow Maker

This one was presented by two fans and it is made with 100% pure bison burger. The mini burger on top is there to clog an collateral coronary arteries. Many fatlings grow extra arteries.
Cowabunga Burger

The Cowabunga Burger it made from 100% grass fed black Angus beef.
The Terminator

The Terminator is light on bread  and veggies but BIG on meat and cheese. This mega meat bad boy burger get 70% of its 23,000 calories from fat. This burger is a low carb creation is great for anyone on the Fatkins Diet.
The Ultra Pig Weight Burger

The Ultra Pig Weight may even make Belly Boy pass on the fries. This is not just a precision giant burger this monster contains pork BBQ and crumbled bacon mixed into the meat. Add a little Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ Sauce to this belly buster.
The Glutton Tamer

The Glutton Tamer is throwback to the burgers mom would make. It uses a Sunbeam bread Bun 80% lean ground beef and a full block of Craft Velveeta Cheese.
Patty for a Belly Boy Slider

Fat Admirer preparing a warm up snack for Belly Boy.
Cheese Belly Sliders

Two hapless thinlings sampling a couple of Belly Sliders


BELLY BOY said...

Oink oink oink!

I just got in from Jomo Kenyatta International Airport in Nairobi, Kenya, and man it was an exhausting, disgusting flight!

Once again I needed three seats, and once again Big Lard Ass got a first class ticket for himself, claiming that as a man of God he needs to travel in luxury. Also I'm too fat for first class, because even two first class seats are too far apart, so I need multiple coach seats that are right next to each other, and I need 3 seats to sit comfortably.

I use the seatbelt from the rightmost seat, ask for a few belt extenders, and then connect it to the belt on the leftmost seat. Then I am locked in and ready for flight, but I cannot use the airplane bathrooms, which are designed by and for hyper anorexic thinlings. Nobody who weighs over 300 pounds can use an airplane bathroom comfortably. So it was a huge pain, which I had to dull with alcohol, except I couldn't because then I would have to pee, and this flight was too long to hold it in, so I had to go sober the whole flight!!

I brought some snacks and my Game Boy to keep myself occupied, and I did ask for and receive triple meals, which was nice. Big Lard Ass also brought me an ice cream sundae from first class, which was nice of him.

Anyway, Africa is very hot, poor, and dirty, but the people seem nice. Everyone marvels at my size, and unlike in America they don't seem to be negative about my weight. Africa really seems to appreciate us fat people. We're going to go on a safari, which will be pretty cool.

I wonder where Big Lard Ass is getting all the money for this trip? He must be richer than I thought. Maybe his followers are sending him lots of money. Any way, I am going to be interested to see if I enjoy African cuisine, hopefully there should be some Chinese All-You-Can-Eat Buffets around here somewhere, maybe a Denny's? I'm scared about what the food possiblities might be if the normal fast food I'm used to isn't available.

I like my food like I like my women: fast, cheap, and easy to unwrap. OINK OINK OINK!!! I'm all about the convenience factor, and speed is the name of the game for my appetite. I'm also obviously not a one-burger man. Regular burgers are mere sliders to me, and sliders are just crumbs to me.

So we'll see how all of this goes. I'm starting to work up quite an appetite, so I'm going to play my Game Boy until Big Lard Ass comes back and takes me out to dinner. He unpacked, and went out to the hotel lobby to get some local currency and then scope out some good restaurants for us to hit up before our safari, and he will also I hope pack a lot of food to take with us on our journey. I'm going to need lots of sandwiches to keep my strength up, including many cold cuts, cheeses, meats, mustard, mayo, and all the fixin's and trimmings, including lots of potato chips and ice-cold sodas. The sodas must be ice-cold, because that makes it taste better and it's more refreshing.


Fat Bastard said...


The Africans were awed! WOW!

You need your own plane Belly Boy with a good galley. Call it Belly Force 1. Convert a B-52 into your own plane and hire some hot slutty nurses from the HAG to serve you inflight Belly Boy burgers.

Run your plane on used fryer grease so that when you fly around the friendly skies will smell like food. I would keep a few air launched cruise missiles on board and some smart bomb that you can control with you video games just in case we need an extra plane or two to bomb someplace in the Middle East.

Ministers always have lots of money. They don't pay taxes. Ya can't beat that. Rev is a great guy and a prime example of who to treat royalty.

Bringing you to Kenya was a thrill for our African brothas. I hope you busted a rhyme or two for them and got them to jump around jump around.

I am happy to death that this big fat leg of your journey is going so well.

One word of warning. DON'T DRINK THE WATER! Drink Jolt Cola.

BELLY BOY said...

Dear Fat Bastard,

I can't afford my own plane, unfortunately. Neither can Uncle Doc or Big Lard Ass; planes cost tens of millions of dollars when they're that big. Actually a big commercial jet is over a hundred million dollars each! Now that's a lot of money!!

Oink oink oink.

Big Lard Ass says he pays taxes but I don't know if he really does. He just always seems to have money, and I sometimes see one of his assistants handing him envelopes, and he always pays for things with a big fat roll of $100 bills, licking his fingers as he peels back each bill.

His church has several dozen worshippers I think, and he has an assistant pastor who is heading things up while we're on vacation. He isn't fat anymore, but he is very muscular and intimidating, always taking injections of B12 vitamins every day "to keep his strength up."

Anyway we are having a good time in Africa so far, and we have not been robbed. Big Lard Ass hired a local guide to help us, and we are going to set out on our safari to take pictures. We had the chance to buy some guns, and I wanted to get an AK-47, but Big Lard Ass said no, and I started pouting but he still wouldn't relent, then he got me a few six packs of some local brew to calm me down some, and now that I have a nice healthy beer buzz going, and have got my nicotine fix, and have had a few cups of coffee, I'm humming along nicely.

I love the way it feels when you have lots of coffee, and lots of nicotine, plus just the right amount of booze. It creates a delightful symphony of feelings in my body, and I feel stimulated, yet relaxed, yet satiated, all at the same time. It is a wonderful feeling, that can only be accentuated by the sugar high one gets after polishing off a well-deserved meal.



Fat Bastard said...

Hey Belly Boy,

If you can't afford a plane get a blimp! Call it the Belly Boy Blimp. You can get a surplus blimp from the US Navy and fit it with jet engines or rockets so it will go real fast.

I gotta agree with BLA on the AK-47. You would look great firing on of those bad boys with all you blubber shaking but they would not let you bring it on the plane. You could try to hide in in your fat rolls but the metal detector still may find it through all that blubber.

I agree, there is nothing like a good buzz.