Follow by Email

Is Obesity A Choice?

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Belly Boy's Big Adventure.

With great excitement and joy I got to hear all about our own Belly and Rev Big Lard Ass's pilgrimage to the HAG, also known as the Heart Attack Grill. The most Reverend BLA, Belly Boy and I had discussed him making a pilgrimage to the famed Heart Attack Grill-- the Mecca for gluttons. It has finally happened. The lure of all that FREE food is what compelled the usual bed bound Belly Boy to take this glorious pilgrimage. I think when he comes back the Rev may even canonize him and from now on we will refer to him as Saint Belly Boy.

http://www.anythingon.webs.com/assets/heart%20attact%20logo.jpg

BELLY BOY reporting from Pheonix

Hey everybody! It's belly boy time!

I just landed in Phoenix, and man are my calves tired! This piggy CAN FLY! Oink oink oink!


Fat Bastard: Yes, Belly Boy I bet those calves are mooing and those dogs are barking and yes pigs can fly accept of Southwest Airline according to NAAFA

But man, traveling was quite an ordeal! Thanks to the new security requirements, I had to either go through the body scanner or get a manual scan. However, I cannot fit through the scanner machine, so I had to be manually searched, which was very erotic. He had to lift and prod each fold, searching for contraband, and he looked incredibly disgusted the entire time. They called in a rookie to do it since none of the more senior ones wanted to deal with me. It took a long time to search me completely, and I was making small talk with him.


Fat Bastard: I doubt that the TSA rookie was disgusted. I suspect that he was in awe and that the senior  TSA officials were giving him the honor of frisking the great Belly Boy. Those guys read Bigger Fatter Blog to get the skinny on fat.

http://www.medical-supplies-equipment-company.com/Image/Articles/Super-Ram-Bariatric-Wheel-3.jpg
Bariatric wheelchair AKA a fatling's rolling thrown.

I had to be pushed in a bariatric wheelchair most of the time, since I am not yet capable of walking very far, only a few dozen yards at a time. But I was able to stand up to be searched. Yeah, I hadn't washed in over a week, so I was pretty ripe when he searched me. That was part of my goal, if they're going to search me then they might as well have to do it the hard way, aka the smelly way, aka the belly boy way.

Getting on the plane, I took up more than two full seats, and they booted me and Big Lard Ass off of the plane because they said I need 3 seats and Big Lard Ass needs 2 seats. That means we couldn't sit next to each other either, which was really upsetting. I started panicking because they at first said that only I was getting booted and BLA could stay, because I can't travel alone! So I put up a huge colossal stink, yelling and whining as much as I could, before finally they relented and agreed to bump us up to first class for the next flight.

Fat Bastard: My dad had a friend named Ray. Ray was a fucking load. He had to be 600+. Ray was a successful business man and in Ray's office becasue he could not fit in a conventional office chair he had a love seat hoisted on cement block. Man did he look regal. When Ray flew they would hoist him up through the cargo doors of the plane. That was before planes had doors big enough. That had to be so fucking cool!

BLA could fit in a first class seat, but I couldn't. I need 3 full coach seats, so we got bumped yet again, with BLA getting a free coach seat, and me getting 2 free coach seats plus 1 coach seat I had to pay for. I asked for and got triple snacks, and it was pretty cool. BLA got tons of free food, and I ordered 9 beers in total before they cut me off.
http://www.937kclb.com/files/u721/fat_guy_airplane.jpg
Rev Big Lard Ass before he and Belly Boy were booted. No picture of Belly Boy available.

Then we got into Phoenix and checked into a hotel, and now BLA is out getting us some take-out while I sit and type this on his laptop. He's such a good friend to me, and I can't wait to experience the glory of the Heart Attack Grill, and it's delicious and delectable Quadruple Bypass Burgers. They are quite awesome, and I am so effing excited about this.

http://www.motifake.com/image/demotivational-poster/0903/quadruple-bypass-burger-bong-demotivational-poster-1237485653.jpg

I wish that Candy Apple was a computer company. The computers would have special food tubes in them for you to suck on while you use the computer, and then you would be able to get delicious food while you used your computer.


Fat Bastard: Belly Boy, I do know that Dr Gerald "Teddy" Bear is working on a moob top computer. I am waiting for the days when they have food replicators like on Star Trek. Imagine being able to say, Computer make me a Belly Boy Burger, Flat Liner Fries and tea early grey-- hot." and poof there it is. That would be so fucking cool!

This technology would make me, Belly Boy, a billionaire. They would call me Steve Careers. Or Bill Portcullises if I invented the "Pie on the Windowsill" operating system, which would gobble up market share like an SSBBW gobbles up the man pudding of FAs at a NAAFA convention.


 Fat Bastard: Belly Boy, you are indeed onto something.

Oink oink oink. Anyway I am excited and thrilled about my upcoming culinary adventures. Hopefully they will go well. But I do think they will go well, I am planning on staying there pretty much all day just eating, eating, eating, eating, and eating. I have several thousand dollars with me for beverage purposes, so I should be set on that front. It's going to be an epic feast, and I only wish that Teddy Bear, Fat Bastard, and Proud FA could be with me for this event. Also Rotunda Hindenburg, and some of the other female contributors to the Bigger Fatter Blog.


Fat Bastard: Belly Boy, I have Rotunda on the other line and she is slobbering drool all over the phone just thinking about it. Proud FA wants you to set a new record. Teddy maybe on sabbatical or he is off fighting the good fight. He maybe a Teddy Bear but he has some sharp teeth and claws.

If I'm lucky, maybe one of the waitresses/nurses will invite me back to her place for a little intensive care, if you know what I mean! (But I'm not counting on it. In which case, don't worry because I have planned for this by looking up some strip clubs to take BLA to as my payback for him taking me on this exciting trip.)

http://www.healthmediatoday.com/cmsimages/image/image/HeartAttackGrillWaitresses.jpg
Belly Boy's beautiful bony bimbos!



Fat Bastard: Belly Boy, I think you will get lucky. There is no doubt in my mind that the nurse/waitresses there are fat admirers... ALL of them. One whiff of your fat boy musk and all I can say is make room for them on your rented power chair and get really to have you folds lifted by two of them while the other one gives you a Boom Shakka Lakka.

BELLY BOY, OUT

http://www.gearfuse.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/08/aeroscraft-ml866-2_48.jpg
A bigger fatter airplane

Fellow fatlings and other loyal readers: When I, Fat Bastard saw the need for a bigger and fatter blog I created Bigger Fatter Blog. This report by Belly Boy who is normally our cyber net reporter illustrates the need for bigger fatter airplanes.

UPDATE! 
BELLY BOY  Reporting from the Heart Attack Grill.

Hey everybody, Belly Boy here!
http://www.wheelchairslift.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/wheelchair-van_11.jpg
Belly Boy's News Van aka The Belly Van

I went to the Heart Attack Grill with my best friend the Reverend Lard Ass. Yeah, I had to be wheeled in because I cannot really walk so well. BLA rented a handicap van where my wheelchair goes, and it has an awesome hydraulic lift to lift up my wheelchair. BLA is really strong to be able to push me.


So what happened was, we go in, and I shout "Hey it's me!" and then I go in for my weighing. I top out the scale immediately, and sit back down in my wheelchair, and then I order up a Quadruple Bypass Burger along with some Flatliner Fries, a margarita, and six shots of tequila.

I down the tequila first, rapid fire style, and then I nurse the margarita until the burger and fries arrive. It's about time.

What followed is a feeding frenzy, with greasy goodness all over my face and beard. I got the Quad with cheese and fried eggs, of course, and added some condiments as well. I have to say that it's even better than a Belly Boy Burger, aside from the fact that it is a lot smaller. I like the high fat content, it has plenty of juice and grease, which are very important when you're having a burger. Too little juice, and it's not messy enough to be fun. Too little grease, and it just doesn't have that classic burger flavor.

I eat the Quad in just 3 minutes, and immediately go back to get weighed. While they're cooking up the next one, I'm finishing up my Flatliner Fries and am ordering up my first soda and another margarita.

http://i493.photobucket.com/albums/rr300/rembo147/CaptureWiz.jpg
One of Belly Boys famous quadruple flushers
Editorial comment from me, Fat Bastard: Most people can't finish the Quad.

I get another 6 shots of tequila, and down the next Quad in just 3 and a half minutes. Then I had the margarita and a couple of sodas, and order up another Quad, and have some more tequila, and now I am starting to get drunk.

Drunk eating is the most pleasurable activity possible. Forget illegal drugs, all you need is a good nicotine buzz, a good tequila buzz, and a belly full of greasy meat.

I get on to my fourth Quad, and by this point I am totally full. I order up one last Quad, after getting weighed yet again, and I head to the bathroom to get rid of some of the excess liquids. I pee for an eternity, then head to the toilet and produce an epic shit. Suddenly, I don't feel quite so full anymore.

I polish off two more Quads and then I can barely move. People were asking for my autograph, taking pictures with me, and just generally being awesome towards me. I got a picture of two of the nurses sitting on my lap!! I had a boner but nobody could tell because it's covered by my folds. That's an advantage of being fat, you don't have to be embarrassed by random boners.

I asked out two of the nurses to come to the hotel with me but both gave excuses why they couldn't. They wheeled me back to the van, and I told them I would be back tomorrow. I fell asleep quickly, having shot myself up with lots of insulin, and my body struggled to process and digest all of the delicious calories I had just ingested. I love that feeling!
 
We didn't have time to go to the strip club because I fell asleep and wasn't in the mood for anything but being lazy and smoking some cigarettes, and then we had a quick dinner at Denny's later that night. It was a rare two meal day for me, that's how big my breakfast at the Heart Attack Grill was!
 



http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v20/jinxx1/C-97/B377SGTN941NAELPJan20062.jpg
Working prototype of Belly Boy's Plane the Belly Liner


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v20/jinxx1/C-97/B377SGTN941NAELPJan20062.jpg

I also think that when Belly Boy eats through 4 or 5 Quadruple Bypass Burgers and a few pounds of Flat Liner Fries, Dr John and the HAG will rethink his menu and super size the famed Quadruple  Bypass Burger aka the QBB and offer the BQBB or the Bariatic Quadruple Bypass that will be twice as big as the regular QBB. That's what I predict. When the see Belly Boy the will be in awe!!

http://ep.yimg.com/ca/I/yhst-2396371344735_2140_66875593
Design for a bigger fatter airplane.

28 comments:

Rotunda Hindenberg said...

I'm having a foodgasm! OINK! MMMMM

Roll Handler said...

Man would I love to bring a bus load of BBWs to the hag. Go hog wild Belly Boy! EAT!

Cornucopia said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
BELLY BOY said...

Hey everybody, Belly Boy here!

I went to the Heart Attack Grill with my best friend the Reverend Lard Ass. Yeah, I had to be wheeled in because I cannot really walk so well. BLA rented a handicap van where my wheelchair goes, and it has an awesome hydraulic lift to lift up my wheelchair. BLA is really strong to be able to push me.

So what happened was, we go in, and I shout "Hey it's me!" and then I go in for my weighing. I top out the scale immediately, and sit back down in my wheelchair, and then I order up a Quadruple Bypass Burger along with some Flatliner Fries, a margarita, and six shots of tequila.

I down the tequila first, rapid fire style, and then I nurse the margarita until the burger and fries arrive. It's about time.

What followed is a feeding frenzy, with greasy goodness all over my face and beard. I got the Quad with cheese and fried eggs, of course, and added some condiments as well. I have to say that it's even better than a Belly Boy Burger, aside from the fact that it is a lot smaller. I like the high fat content, it has plenty of juice and grease, which are very important when you're having a burger. Too little juice, and it's not messy enough to be fun. Too little grease, and it just doesn't have that classic burger flavor.

I eat the Quad in just 3 minutes, and immediately go back to get weighed. While they're cooking up the next one, I'm finishing up my Flatliner Fries and am ordering up my first soda and another margarita.

I get another 6 shots of tequila, and down the next Quad in just 3 and a half minutes. Then I had the margarita and a couple of sodas, and order up another Quad, and have some more tequila, and now I am starting to get drunk.

Drunk eating is the most pleasurable activity possible. Forget illegal drugs, all you need is a good nicotine buzz, a good tequila buzz, and a belly full of greasy meat.

I get on to my fourth Quad, and by this point I am totally full. I order up one last Quad, after getting weighed yet again, and I head to the bathroom to get rid of some of the excess liquids. I pee for an eternity, then head to the toilet and produce an epic shit. Suddenly, I don't feel quite so full anymore.

I polish off two more Quads and then I can barely move. People were asking for my autograph, taking pictures with me, and just generally being awesome towards me. I got a picture of two of the nurses sitting on my lap!! I had a boner but nobody could tell because it's covered by my folds. That's an advantage of being fat, you don't have to be embarrassed by random boners.

I asked out two of the nurses to come to the hotel with me but both gave excuses why they couldn't. They wheeled me back to the van, and I told them I would be back tomorrow. I fell asleep quickly, having shot myself up with lots of insulin, and my body struggled to process and digest all of the delicious calories I had just ingested. I love that feeling.

We didn't have time to go to the strip club because I fell asleep and wasn't in the mood for anything but being lazy and smoking some cigarettes, and then we had a quick dinner at Denny's later that night. It was a rare two meal day for me, that's how big my breakfast at the Heart Attack Grill was!

BELLY BOY said...

We're going back to the Heart Attack Grill tomorrow, and I am going to try to break my previous eating record, and eat even more than I did the last time.

Cigarettes are going to be crucial. Tobacco is critical to human happiness, and although they say it decreases the appetite, for me it seems to relax and calm me down, allowing me to settle into an eating groove and just get down the rhythm of each bite flowing, to the point where I'm barely conscious of the fact that I am eating.

I have to pace myself, and make sure not to bite my fingers or my tongue. Everything is flowing into a perfect rhythm, as the juices, grease, egg, and cheese particles accumulate in my beard.

So it was a great time at the HAG, even though we spent a lot of my Social Security money there on drinks. Tequila is expensive, but well worth it. I think the HAG makes it's money back that it gives out in free burgers by selling drinks to make up for it. I also bought 3 packs of Lucky Strikes for the road, even though they have no filters. A man has to be able to live a little and enjoy his life, and I can't always smoke ultra-light and light cigarettes.

Tomorrow I'm going to smoke an entire cigar before I reach the HAG. It will stink up the van, which will be awesome. Also last night I cleaned my beard and ate all the greasy crumbs. I had to wash my face and beard.

I hope that all of you are having as great a time as I am. The Heart Attack Grill is the best place around to get a burger, so if you're ever in the Phoenix area, definitely stop on by for an amazing experience you'll never forget. I will tell you about my second trip to the HAG once it happens. I am planning on just ordering quads for free and nothing else, so that I can walk out with no bill at all. Gonna make sure I hydrate myself first so that I don't get thirsty and start ordering stuff while I'm there.

BELLY BOY, OUT

Tub in Training said...

I have had the privelage of feasting at the HAG myself. I was only able to down two and half quads though I'm afraid. I'm still a mere pup. My weight has plateaued at around 278 the past few months so I'm planning another trip in June to kickstart my fat making process at the HAG once more.

I have to say, best burger I've ever tasted; I loved the lard glazed buns. It almost made the burgers seem like small hamburger pies, such a delight to the senses of a growing glutton.

Fat Bastard said...

Belly Boy, Thank you so much for that in depth report. I am pissed that the HAG didn't give you free drinks though.

Fat Bastard said...

Tub in Training said...

I have had the privelage of feasting at the HAG myself. I was only able to down two and half quads though I'm afraid. I'm still a mere pup. My weight has plateaued at around 278 the past few months so I'm planning another trip in June to kickstart my fat making process at the HAG once more.

I have to say, best burger I've ever tasted; I loved the lard glazed buns. It almost made the burgers seem like small hamburger pies, such a delight to the senses of a growing glutton.
************************************************************************

Tub in Training,

You have come to the right place. We have many gluttony and obesity experts here.

Folks like Dr Gerald Teddy Bear is our resident bariatric nutritionist is an invaluable resource for new gluttons and I urge you to visit his spectacular Biggest Fattest Blog

We have other greats like the most Reverend Big Lard Ass, and his faithful sidekick Belly Boy, Proud FA aka the Dean of Feederism, The Chef and Coach Gains to name a few.

Visit out archives for more gluttonous delight.

CaptainHowdy said...

http://matildatuesday.blogspot.com/p/forum_10.html

FAN COMICS! I was inspired to put your story, Belly Boy, and your message, Fat Bastard, into a fairytale-like adventure of gluttony and friendship. The anime style graphics will appeal to the younger generation and convey the point that gluttony is good. Even crazy ass anime characters finish up their daily battle at the Heart Attack Grill when they can. You burn serious calories swinging magic swords and shooting lazers.

Christine said...

Wow, Belly Boy had SIX of those quadruple bypass burgers? That's epic. good work

BELLY BOY said...

OINK OINK!!

Hey Captain Howdy! I love your comic that you made about me, Fat Bastard, Dr. Bear, and Proud FA! I am definitely the wizard of the group because I have the most FP, and even though I don't have that much HP I make up for it with my powerful Donut Blast and other special moves. (I also have Special Bowel Moves, by the way.)

So I went back to the HAG, and had myself 8 Quadruple Bypass Burgers! Of course, it took over 3 hours to eat all those burgers, but I did it in one sitting so it counts as one meal. (Well, I had to get up to get weighed after every burger, which is really quite annoying for a man of my size and stature, but free food is the best food.)

The nurses were very nice and friendly to me, and were praising me for being "such a big boy" and "a real man" because Rev Lard Ass only had a Single Bypass Burger and some flatliner fries, which he shared with me.

I also broke down and ordered a total of two Butterfat Shakes, which have the world's highest concentration of butterfat. They are obscenely delicious. I had a bottle of tequila in the parking lot so I was good to go on the booze front, and I downed some more shots in the bathroom from my flask. It's important to always keep a flask on you in case of emergencies, like when you're starting to sober up but you have an important business meeting or a date or something and you need to power up ASAP.

Anyway, Captain Howdy, I am very glad that you made me into a comic book character, even though you drew me way too skinny. My fat goes down to the floor, but thankfully I have a harness to help me keep it up. It's my Belly Viagra, I guess, because it keeps my stomach from sagging, but it does hurt my back. Still, it's worth it, because I can walk for short distances now, and I can't believe I got to experience the Heart Attack Grill!

Rev LA brought me some take-out for dinner after my multi-hour HAG breakfast; with the HAG in my life, a man could really get used to having only 2 meals a day. I'm getting in all of my calories and then some, so it's all good. I'm just focusing on the flavors and on having fun, and living it up to the absolute maximum, because life is for pleasure.

I am a hedonist! I just want to eat all day, and bang hot nurses all night! Speaking of which, I did find a fat woman at the Heart Attack Grill who wanted to come watch some movies with me back at the hotel. Belly Boy got himself a BJ from her! She was very big, but still very mobile like normalings, which is awesome.

BELLY BOY, OUT

Belly Boy goes up to the mic, and eats 50 Quads, before falling asleep while standing up, now his fat is so tremendous that it can support him standing up and he doesn't have to worry about it. It's like those things toddlers go in, where it has wheels on it, and you power it with your legs, except that for me it's my belly that is providing the cushion and protection, and the layer of grease and sweat on the bottom of my belly provides the lube for me to just jet around on my belly. That would be so awesome!

Fat Bastard said...

CaptainHowdy said...

http://matildatuesday.blogspot.com/p/forum_10.html

FAN COMICS! I was inspired to put your story, Belly Boy, and your message, Fat Bastard, into a fairytale-like adventure of gluttony and friendship. The anime style graphics will appeal to the younger generation and convey the point that gluttony is good. Even crazy ass anime characters finish up their daily battle at the Heart Attack Grill when they can. You burn serious calories swinging magic swords and shooting lazers.

May 15, 2011 10:40 PM

************************************************************************

Captain Howdy,

Proud FA and I are flattered that you have created cartoon characters of us. I am thrilled that our own Belly Boy and Bigger Fatter Blog has inspired you to such greatness.

One of our readers and contributors Teddy Bear is also a first rate cartoonist. "Dr" Bear has taken famous fat comic book characters of yesteryear and plumped them up to modern obesity proportions. Please see his Biggest Fattest Blog on blogspot as I think you will be impressed.

I was unable to see those cartoons so if you would like please cut and paste them in an email to me and I will be happy to feature them on Bigger Fatter Blog. Again, thank you so much for this wonderful tribute to me, Fat Bastard, Belly Boy, Bigger Fatter Blog and big fat waddling gluttons everywhere.

Fat Bastard said...

Christine said...

Wow, Belly Boy had SIX of those quadruple bypass burgers? That's epic. good work.

****************************************************************************

Hi Christine,

I think Belly Boy is just getting warmed up. You ain't seen nothin yet!

Fat Bastard said...

Folks, Belly Boy in his adventure to the HAG has really put on a clinic that should inspire more fatlings to power up on high quality glutton fare and fully and unashamedly embrace the obese and gluttonous lifestyle.

Let this be a lesson to archaic organizations like NAAFA who deny fatlings the right to their gluttony and tell them to feel like victims of a "fat hating" society. Belly Boy was treated like royalty because he is royalty. Women swooned at his size, fat boy musk and hedonistic charm. Belly Boy is a master of his universe. He lives life to the fullest he is not just a great roll and role model for other fat greedy and gluttons he is also a role model for everyone.

Fat Bastard takes a hit off of Belly Boy's greasy tequila bottle, high fives Belly Boy, Rev BLA and members of his posse, pulls out a big assed honey blunt, torches it up, farts and oinks out an oink. YO!

BELLY BOY said...

Oink oink oink!

Thanks for your compliments, Fat Bastard.

However, in your outro you talked about drugs, and I, Belly Boy, do not approve of those, so I'll have to insist that you put it out. You can have a nice tobacco cigarette instead, since those are legal. That's how Belly Boy rolls! (And Rev BLA as well.)

BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA
Don't do drugs
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA
Instead, look at chicks' jugs!
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA
Or drink some booze
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA
Or it's your freedom you could lose!!
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA
You'd be in jail
BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA
Filled with mostly other males!

But other than that, you can take a swig off of the tequila bottle as long as you don't mind the grease all around it from my eating. Tequila is the best liquor, especially when you're going to eat a lot afterwards.

Going to eat at the HAG again, but Big Lard Ass has hinted that there might be another portion of our trip coming up before we head back home, which would be exciting! I wonder where we would be going?

BELLY BOY, OUT

Fat Bastard said...

@ Belly Boy,

Like the Chef I Fat Bastard use weed for medicinal purposes only. Perhaps you may recall after my fall down the escalator and the ordeal I had in the hospital I went off my feed. The Chef told me that a little bit of the sticky green will increase my appetite.

Like the Chef I Fat Bastard am also a bit gouty in the leg and proper dosing with the sticky green is is required to keep me Fat Bastard and the Chef pain free and properly relaxed.

BELLY BOY said...

Well pot is still illegal even if it's for medicinal purposes. Even when it's in California, it's still considered illegal by federal law, so I won't tolerate it in my presence and I cannot have you portraying it as though I would be okay with you stepping back from the mic, taking a swig of my Jose Cuervo Gold, and then sparking up a doobie. It's just not going to happen like that.

I, Belly Boy, don't support even the medicinal use of Jamaican Tallgrass, or the Herbal Gerbil. We don't have to agree on everything, but this is just how me and my rolls roll.

Also, speaking of rolls rolling, my favorite car is the Rolls Royce, for obvious reasons.

BELLY BOY, OUT

Fat Bastard said...

The only thing I like processed is food. I like my medication to be natural. BUT I can respect the drug free life style.

The Chef turned me on to the sticky green and Hennessy. It changed my life. I don't use tobacco because it dulls my appetite but I do like a nice Cuban cigar with some brandy and some Godiva Chocolates and a couple of Moon Pies.

BELLY BOY said...

PROCESSED FOOD IS AWESOME!

I LOVE PROCESSED FOOD! Oink oink oink!!

Omg, I just love eating loads of hot dogs, hamburgers, fries, cheese whiz, bologna, pizza, frozen pizza, frozen hamburgers, and pretty much every type of processed food!! OINK OINK OINK!!

I'm going to eat so much food you won't be able to believe it. I'm going to become an insane giant. I am going to get taller. I want my fat to start accumulating on TOP of my HEAD, so that I will become taller and taller until I am the tallest man alive.

Failing that, I would accept being the widest human being who ever lived. My body's dimensions should be incredible. I want to have the largest body dimensions ever. I want to make women like Donna Simpson seem like THINLINGS compared to my MAJESTIC SPLENDOR.

I already weigh more than all of the Beatles, including Pete Best, and Stuart Stutcliff (spelling?), who are the two forgotten Beatles. Back in the early days, when the Beatles were the Quarrymen, which was the band started by Paul McCartney and John Lennon, they had Stuart in the band, and they would sometimes get into fights with others after school, but they weren't bullies. Anyway, Stuart got beaten up a bit, and died of a stroke, sadly. Then they let this little kid, George Harrison, who was always hanging around them, in the band. When they got signed, one of the conditions was that they fire their drummer, Pete Best, and get a new one. They hired Richard Starkey, aka Ringo Starr. (Because he wore lots of rings.)

Ringo nearly died of appendicitis when he was young, and spent many of his formative years in hospital, and struggled mightily with things like reading, because he didn't learn much when he was in hospital, during his formative years. He came from a poor family, but had access to a set of left-handed drums, even though he was right-handed. So Ringo plays the drums left-handed even though he is right-handed. Therefore, he can't do certain maneuvers that +90% of drummers can do. But he can do things other drummers can't. He's the best drummer ever.

to be continued...

BELLY BOY said...

Yeah, the Beatles didn't use drum solos, except for one song. Which is pretty unusual. Ringo was the least famous Beatle; he's also the oldest. Unfortunately, he became an alcoholic, and after some good successes right after the Beatles broke up, he struggled a bit. But then he got into acting outside of Beatles movies, including a movie where he was a caveman.

Paul McCartney and John Lennon wrote like 80% or more of the Beatles songs, with George Harrison writing another 18% or so. The way things worked, almost all of the revenues went to John and Paul, even for the songs that George Harrison wrote! So George and Ringo were upset and sad and slighted that they were earning so much less than the others. Ringo wrote hardly any songs, although John and Paul always made sure to write a song for Ringo to sing(o), which was nice of them, and made Ringo more of a full member rather than just "the drummer."

Ringo's son, Zak Starkey, was a drummer with the British band Oasis. Which is pretty cool if you ask me.

Ringo was also the only Beatle not to be knighted, which I don't think is acceptable or cool at all. He was a Beatle!! Totally unfair to snub a legend like him. :(

Pete Best, apparently, became a dishwasher or something, and unfortunately he just sort of languished. The Forgotten Beatle.

Anyway, in Wayne's World, there's a band called The Shitty Beatles.

BELLY BOY, OUT
Belly Boy walks up to Adam Richman, host of Man vs. Food, and gives him a high-five! The two then sit down in a booth at a restaurant. A gigantic 10-pizza monstrosity is placed before them, and a challenge is issued: eat the entire decapizza, or Earth will be laid to ruins.

Belly Boy begins in earnest. Adam starts taking slices, eating them rapidly, but soon he tires and his stomach reaches capacity, when he's eaten only 1/4 of the pizza. Belly Boy has eaten 1/3 of the pizza, leaving... um... 5/12 of the pizza left. Belly Boy then goes into a fugue state and blindly chows down on the rest of the pizza, eating every last crumb with his vacuum mouth, thus saving Earth.

The cities of earth decide to make statues of him, but they are unable to attain enough materials to make the statutes since Belly Boy is so huge.

Fat Bastard said...

Belly Boy, Growing fatter in height may not be possible if the fat is put on the top of the head. if you can put in on the bottom of your feet you'd get taller and it would be like wearing really really think Dr Scholls gel insoles. You'd be gellin!

Here's what the Beatles should have written.

Pudding

Pudding in the way she moos.
Attracts me like no other glutton.
Pudding in the way she moos me.

I just want to eat and how.
So bring me some food right now.

OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK

Your asking me will by gut grow
I hope so I hope so
I'll eat a lot and it will show
I hope so I HOPE SO!

Belly Boy if you get fat enough you can be the first goalie in the NHL to never allow a goal. You could just sit there and eat and the ice would keep you nice and cool and when they unload the ice shavings from the Zamboni they can use the ice to make you big giant slushies or Margaritias.

BELLY BOY said...

Oink oink oink!

I like your song. That should have been put out by a band called the Eatles. With Paul McFlurry, John Lemon-Cake, George Haggis, and Pringles Starr.

I think growing fat on my head would make me taller. Aspiring sumo wrestlers used to hit themselves on the head very hard so it would swell, if they were too short to be sumo wrestlers, and hope that it would swell enough for them to be tall enough. But then they put in alternate conditions for shortlings to get in, which is much better.

Growing fat on the bottom of my feet would make me slip and fall all the time, so I'd prefer it if my fat accumulated on top of my head, so that it could also protect me from head injuries. I could wear a special hat that would encourage the fat to grow upwards and stay in that mold, like how the Ancient Egyptian women wore neck ring things so their necks would grow super long. I wonder what ever happened to the long neck fetish.

But anyway, I, Belly Boy, want to reach epic proportions, and I am doing just that!

I was at the Heart Attack Grill for the third time, and I had had so much to drink that it was the best time of my life. I ate 13 Quads over 8 hours, which is a record!! Yeahhhhh!!

So Big Lard Ass told me that we are going to go to Africa as part of our Food Tour 2011. Which is weird, because Africa isn't really known that much for it's food, but I guess this will be a good chance for me to experience new cultures and new foods. We're going to Kenya, on a safari. Unfortunately they don't let you shoot the animals with guns, which is really a major bummer for me. Us fat men love shooting elephants and tigers and all that crap. Instead I will just use my camera.

Rev. Lard Ass has a Leica M9 camera, which I'm really jealous of. I just can't wait to see all of these tasty animals up close and personal!

BELLY BOY, OUT

Fat Bastard said...

Most of the bands I like are food names like the Bacon Brothers, the Meat Puppet, The Beat Farmers, (even though vegetables are what food eats) Strawberry Alarm Clock ect..

They say records are meant to be broken but there ain't no way anyone is going to break your record and I think you would be wise to call the Guinness Book of Records. I bet the customers and the staff at the HAG were in awe. I know I am. This accomplishment is in it with the discovery of fire and the moon landing. I try to provide fatsporation to our readers but I could never top your monumental achievement. When Teddy returns from is sabbatical he will be astounded.

Belly Boy, Captain Howdy was so moved by your HAG pilgrimage that he is creating a video game. What better way to immortalize gluttony and your achievement than with a video game that will be played by fat kids and adults worldwide?

This single achievement has done more for us fatlings that 40+ years of NAAFA. Belly Boy you are our hero. I would be remiss if I did not credit Rev BLA with all he did to make this possible. This was a team effort but it was YOU Belly Boy stepped up to the plate and ate and ate and ate. Nicely done!

BELLY BOY said...

Oink oink oink!

Thank you, Fat Bastard, for all of your support. It's people like you, and your Bigger Fatter Blog, that have provided me with the fatspiration to take my eating up to the next level.

For years I was stuck at mere hyper morbid obesity, weighing a mere 800 pounds, which is not the modern size. Instead, I have kicked my nosh up a notch.

I would be very interested in playing Captain Howdy's "The Adventures of Belly Boy" game! Hopefully it would be some type of an RPG or an action-adventure game, because those are my favorite.

I also love playing MMORPGs, where other players are also usually well over 300 pounds, although their avatars are always sexy thinlings in shiny armor or revealing clothes.

My accomplishments on the eating frontier are so great that they cannot be compared to anything anyone else has achieved. People like Joey Chestnut, a construction engineer who is also a part-time competitive eater who often breaks the world record for hot dog eating, even he could not eat as many Quads as I did in an 8 hour period.

Of course, since I took my time, the food was digesting while I was eating, so at any one time there were only probably about 10 pounds or so of food in my enormous stomach, which I have stretched and distended quite a bit from filling it up to the max on a daily basis multiple times, for many years now. You don't just wake up one day and eat that many Quads, you'd hurt yourself.

No, it takes passion and dedication to reach my size. Most fatlings top out at maybe 400 or 500 pounds, and at that point they level off even though they're eating a lot of food. Their bodies become so big that they burn several thousand extra calories every day just by doing normal things like watching TV, driving, and eating (the three most important human activities. Well, that plus beating off.)

When you're a true gainer, you have to be constantly stepping up your game. Your body needs to be challenged with new foods, more variety, new flavors, different textures, and lubricated with lots of alcohol. Similarly, the lungs need to be exercised vigorously. Cigarettes give your lungs the workout they need, by coating them with a protective layer of tar. Although cigarettes are an appetite suppressant, and Dr. Jon of the Heart Attack Grill recommends them to prevent overeating, I find them to be an excellent post-meal treat. Yeah I know they will increase my odds of heart problems, but I figure that at my size, that's not an issue. It'd be like skydiving with no parachute, but you're suggesting I at least wear a helmet. No way, if I'm going down, I'm going to have the maximum amount of fun, and that means I'm going to smoke like a chimney everyday.

Oink oink oink!

Speaking of smoking, I just had some hickory smoked bacon, along with the rest of my Denny's meal. Denny's is celebrating Baconalia, which Rev. Lard Ass has incorporated into his religious teachings, and so it's now a Faedarian tradition. Awesome!! A religion that requires you to eat bacon? Sign me up for that!!

Although I must say that the Denny's food is nowhere near up to the standards I have become used to during my trips to the HAG. I am upset that I might never have burgers of that quality ever again. But Belly Boy Burgers are also excellent, and I know I will have lots more of those.

BELLY BOY, OUT

Fat Bastard said...

Belly Boy, the say records are mad to be broken but this record will endure longer than the home run record of Roger Maris which is still the real record because Maris didn't cheat and neither did The Babe or Hank Aaron.

You are a marathon eater and a power eater. You have set an unreachable bar and that's a good thing.

Christine said...

I never knew about the two forgotten Beatles. That's interesting. I looked up stats on the main four, and it says that John was 159; Paul was 158; George was 142; and Ringo 136. Together that's 595. I don't know what the other two weighed in at, but I am sure it wasn't much. http://www.loti.com/sixties_music/BEATLEMANIA.htm

Wow, 13 quadruple bypass burgers in 8 hours. Good work.

I have had many South African friends I met while working in South Korea. They say that SA has great food. I don't know if you were thinking of going there, but I am sure you will like it if you do (and can stay safe). Kenya really may have some good food. I think Africa may give you some surprises. I do want to visit some time.
I did read a travel essay about some Americans who went to a certain "temple of gastronomy" in Paris. They were given many, many courses (like 30 or something) and the meal took many hours. I should try to dig that up and show you.

Christine said...

http://www.outyourbackdoor.com/article.php?id=1717

Here it is. It was in France, yes and it was a 37-course lunch with 13 wines.

Fat Bastard said...

That is amazing Christine because the French are a bunch of thinlings.