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Saturday, May 21, 2011

God Lied Again and the Earth Did NOT End on May 21, 2011 as the Bible Predicted.

I like Harold Camping so I am not going to talk shit about the guy. Camping is not your average Christian dumb fuck. The guy's an engineer and his mathematical and Biblical erudition is spot on. God is simply a liar and I feel bad that Camping found that out so late in life.

There was supposed to be a massive earthquake but all there was a was an anemic volcanic eruption in Iceland. It seems that a fat man with a buried penis and less testosterone than a girl can blow his wad harder than "Almighty God."

If the Bible God is the real deal he will certainly wait until the world has reached its zenith of greedy gluttony. Right now he is having to much fun torturing the thinlings who continue to live like Spartans and work like Trojans. Food is live and true love is pleasure. Sure Bible God might be getting pissed but if this latest display of his "awesome" power is all eventually our Beligod will lay the smack down  on his candy ass.

What is going to happen is people are going to start trashing Harold Camping when all Camping was doing was merely reporting what Bible God was saying. Leave the wise old codger alone. The only mistake Camping made was trusting Bible God.

The following is from Wikipedia 

Camping has presented several numerological[19] arguments, or biblical "proofs", in favor of the May 21 end time. A civil engineer by training, Camping states he has attempted to work out mathematically-based prophecies in the Bible for decades. In an interview with the San Francisco Chronicle he explained "... I was an engineer, I was very interested in the numbers. I'd wonder, 'Why did God put this number in, or that number in?' It was not a question of unbelief, it was a question of, 'There must be a reason for it.' "[20]
Harold Camping being interviewed about his prediction in early 2011.

As early as 1970, Camping dated the Great Flood to 4990 BC.[21] Taking the prediction in Genesis 7:4 ("Seven days from now I will send rain on the earth") to be a prediction of the end of the world, and combining it with 2 Peter 3:8 ("With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day"), Camping concludes that the end of the world will occur in 2011, 7000 years from 4990 BC.[7] Camping takes the 17th day of the second month mentioned in Genesis 7:11 to be May 21, and hence predicts the rapture to occur on this date.[7]
Another argument[22] that Camping uses in favor of the May 21 date is as follows:
  1. The number five equals "atonement", the number ten equals "completeness", and the number seventeen equals "heaven".
  2. Christ is said to have hung on the cross on April 1, 33 AD. The time between April 1, 33 AD and April 1, 2011 is 1,978 years.
  3. If 1,978 is multiplied by 365.2422 days (the number of days in a solar year, not to be confused with the lunar year), the result is 722,449.
  4. The time between April 1 and May 21 is 51 days.
  5. 51 added to 722,449 is 722,500.
  6. (5 × 10 × 17)2 or (atonement × completeness × heaven)2 also equals 722,500.
Thus, Camping concludes that 5 × 10 × 17 is telling us a "story from the time Christ made payment for our sins until we're completely saved."[20]
Camping has not been precise about the exact timing of the event, saying that "maybe" we can know the hour.[23] He has suggested that "days" in the Bible refer to daylight hours particularly.[23] Another account says the "great earthquake" which signals the start of the Rapture will "start in the Pacific Rim at around the 6 p.m. local time hour, in each time zone."[24]
The food here sucks! I ain't coming back! I know I promised but no fucking way!

God/Jesus lied his ass off! 
 Jesus was supposed to show up during the lifetimes of his apostles.  Matthew 16:28 There be some standing here, which shall not taste of death, till they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom.”
Maybe the food at the last supper sucked. Maybe Jesus figured that he'd return to the same shitty meal so he stayed up in Heaven with his pop Jehovah surfing BBW porn and mowing down on cheetos and packing on the pounds. Hell, I've been to a seder and the food sucked!

There is an even simpler explanation that will placate the Christians. Maybe Jesus didn't really lie. Perhaps he had intended to return and destroy the earth and kill nearly every living thing like his dear old dad did but maybe he merely got too fat. He would be bed bound or in a power chair but maybe he finally got some tasty food and he's in a better mood. The unleavened bread and bitter herbs would put anyone in a bad mood. Now that food has improved maybe Jesus has a better disposition or perhaps he is just too fat to ascend back up into heaven.

"Losing My Religion"
Oh life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up
That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you

Oh no I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
Every whisper
Of every waking hour I'm
Choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up
Consider this
The hint of the century
Consider this
The slip that brought me
To my knees failed
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now I've said too much
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
But that was just a dream
That was just a dream


Former Minister said...

Jesus was a total liar. Jesus lied telling his followers that he will return and establish his kingdom within their lifetime. Matthew 23:36 & 24:34

Amen, I say to you, all these things will come upon this generation. (Matthew 23:36 NAB)

That nasty little weasel had Paul and John convinced that the end was near.

John quotes Jesus (1900 years ago) as saying he will come “quickly.” Revelations 3:11, 22:7, 12 & 20

John believes “the time is at hand,” and that the things that he writes about in Revelation will “shortly come to pass.” Revelations 1:1-3

In 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17 Paul stated: “For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: And the dead Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air: And so shall we ever be with the Lord.” Paul shared the delusion, taught by Jesus, in that he expected to be snatched up bodily into heaven with other saints then living, who would, thus, never taste death. The use of “we” clearly proves as much. It is difficult to deny that Paul was certain that the end of the world was coming in the lifetime of his contemporaries.

Fat Bastard said...

Former Minister,

Thank you for bringing us up to speed on this sham.

O'Connor said...

God ain't no mathematician, he's God. Where in life would God ever need math? Cut the guy some slack, he made everything and knows everything, but he had issues with math. In fact, I am of the opinion that numbers are the work of the devil, like money, music, and diets.

I am sorely disappointed Jesus didn't come yesterday. I was looking forward to meeting him.

Anonymous said...

God is a huge liar and here are some glaring examples.

". . . God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man."
"And it came to pass after these things, that God did tempt Abraham."
(Genesis 22:1)

". . . for I am merciful, saith the Lord, and I will not keep anger forever."
(Jeremiah 3:12)
"Ye have kindled a fire in mine anger, which shall burn forever. Thus saith the Lord."
(Jeremiah 17:4)

Fat Bastard said...

Maybe Jesus was pissed about the food but once he looked down and saw all the happy gluttons he decided not to wreck the party.

Fat Bastard said...

I'm going to do the Pascal Wagers thing and kiss his ass. I'll party and on my death bed I will accept Jesus. Jesus is a scoundrel for sure but I Fat Bastard are not going to fuck with him. I don't wanna get on his bad side. God will fuck you up.

This song pretty much sums it up.

Oh sinner do not stray
From the straight and narrow way
For the Lord is surely watching what you do
If you approach the Devil's den
Turn round don't enter in
Lest the hand of the Almighty fall on you

He'll fuck you up (he'll fuck you up)
Yes God will fuck you up
If you dare to disobey his stern command
He'll fuck you up (he'll fuck you up)
Don't you know he'll fuck you up
So you better do you praying while you can

Long ago a man named Lot
Had a wife he thought was hot
But she could not stop her black and sinful ways
You know it was her own damn fault
When God turned that bitch to salt
That's the way he used to work back in those days

He fucked him up (he fucked him up)
He really fucked him up
When the people went and turned their backs on him
He can fuck you up (he'll fuck you up)
No shit he'll fuck you up
Just like he fucked the people up back then

I used to have a friend named Ray
Who walked that evil way
He cursed and drank and broke his neighbor's fence
You know Ray was full aware
That some sheep were over there
And he knew in the Biblical sense

God fucked him up (he fucked him up)
He went and fucked Ray up
Went and paid him back for all his wicked sins
He fucked him up (he fucked him up)
Fucked that boy completely up
Now he's married to a Presbyterian

Anonymous said...

God is a pathetic rotten smelling cunt!

GodStinks said...

Looks like a bunch of Christards got pwned! ha ha ha

When will those dickheads learn?

God said...

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!


I would like to take a break today from killing and smiting Muslims, to talk about how much I hate Muslims.

Man, do I hate Muslims. First, they smell awful because they never wash their stinky buttholes. Cleanliness is close to Me, which means Muslims are about as far away from Me as you can get.

Muslims let themselves smell like camel-poo on purpose because all Muslims are terrorists. Their putrid body odor is a daily mini-act of biological terrorism.

Second, I hate Muslims ’cause they’re stupid and they hate My Jews and My Christians. Sure, Muslims blow themselves up for Me, which should be flattering, but that’s only because they think I’m gonna give them 70 virgins when they die. How naive and idiotic of them. In the first place, when a teenage virgin dies and comes to Heaven, I fuck them. Better they get first-fucked by God the Father, who loves them, then by some dirty nine-eleveny Arab suicide-bomber asshole.

Even if I did have a never-ending supply of virgins on tap, I’m not saying I do, but even if I did, why would I waste them all on stinky Muslim psychopaths? Muslim Heaven should not also be Virgin Hell.

Muslims. Only they could be dumb enough to think that cutting open their skulls and blowing themselves to bits would make Me happy. Bunch of suckups.

They kiss My Ass, but Muslims don’t really love Me. They just pay Me lip-service with all their ‘Allah Akbars’ and that’s it. They’re all really in love with that cunt-cutting shit-eating kid-toucher ‘prophet’ Muhammad. They get crazy about that douchefag.

So crazy in fact that they don’t want anyone to see his stupid image. Of course, the real reason for that is not any sense of reverence, but only because the guy was fat and ugly and they don’t want you to know it as it would hurt Islam’s image.

Well I better get back to killing Muslims. I, The Almighty Lord your God, command you all to do the same. Bless America!

Christine said...

Camping is a nutter. He didn't even study the Bible right. He just pulled out ideas somehow, believing stuff he wanted to believe. Nearly the entire Christian community is disgusted with that idiot.

Anonymous said...

Free thinkers are disgusted by Christians. As Christians and Bible scholars go Camping is one of the more learned ones. Based on what he found in the Bible he was right. The problem is that the Bible is wrong.

Fred Dutrella said...

Camping said that he was NOT a bible scholar.
He never attended a seminary to become a preacher.
Instead he would just read it and interpret it, and talk about it on his radio program.

His theory was that: (5 x 10 x 17) x (5 x 10 x 17) = the number of days until the world would end, starting on the day after Jesus was killed, which he said was April 1, 33 A.D. The date isn't clearly known, though.

A big problem with his stupid theory was that he pulled those numbers out of his ass - why 5, 10, and 17? He said 17 represents heaven... what? And why would you multiply them together? And then square the results? It just doesn't make any sense. I could make that shit up too.

As for those claiming he is a good bible scholar, no he is not. He is just an 89 year old kook with no biblical training.

He predicted that the world would end in 1994, and it didn't, and then he claimed to have made a mathematical error, and said the real date is May 21, 2011. That was wrong too. Now he's saying it's in October of 2011.

Adam Carolla, a famous atheist comedian, has stated that all people making predictions about the end of the world should have to do it with a shotgun aimed at them, and then if it doesn't end within 60 minutes of when they said it would, the gun goes off. This would end all such predictors.

Mr. Camping has stated that even though he knows the world will end soon, he will not give away his house, car, or money. Why not? If you really believed it, wouldn't you want to rack up more good deeds before Judgment Day? This proves to me that HE KNOWS HE IS MAKING IT UP. He is just trying to fuck with as many people as he possibly can.

Fat Bastard said...

Maybe Camping is in the ball park. The mayan calender ends in 2012.

Many erudite highly trained Bible scholars have predicted the end of the world. The Jehovah's Dim Witnesses used to predict it all the time based on the Bible.

Again, I am not going to trash Camping. The guy had a lot of balls to put his ass on the line. His only mistake is that he believed God and the Bible.

BELLY BOY said...

Hey Fat Bastard,

Rev. Big Lard Ass told me to tell you he doesn't approve of your anti-God and anti-Bible posts. He said he's going to ban me from posting for at least a week every time you do one from now on.

Of course you should still post what you want, but just know that then there will be no Belly Boy posts for awhile if you do.

All true gluttons believe in God, and are at least respectful of the beliefs of others, even though we may criticize the actions of those believers.


I can't wait for my steaks to be done, Fat Bastard. I'm having them "tartare" which means raw, which is going to be fucking incredibly delicious, with a raw egg on that shit. I am going to ENJOY this!! Now I just have to pound this liter of whiskey while I wait, and shoot some insulin into my BELLY!


Fat Bastard said...

There is but one true god and that is Beligod. Beligod is a god we can count on to never let us down. OINK!

Former Minister said...


I don’t even know how to break to you this most heart breaking and shocking news ever to be heard by both Christians and the Muslims around the world. But it must be done!

I suggest that you keep calm and pray for strength to the One and Only True God, Beligod, not three Gods or to a false image of god called Allah! Are you ready to know the Ultimate Truth that will finally open your mind to the shocking reality that you have been in fact deceived by the writers of the Gospel who were but intelligent fallen angels and who happened to be the comrades of Satan if not Satan himself and who has masterfully planned the whole story of Jesus?

Unbelievable but true, Jesus is not the true prophesied Christ but is actually Satan himself in disguised and that he came back already (second coming) as false prophet Mohammad!

I have finally found out the true identity of Jesus thru meditation and extensive research. And what I have discovered prove to be the missing key to unlock the prophetic seal.

Let me give you a hint. Isn’t it a fact that Satan who is Lucifer from the beginning wants to be as equal to GOD? How will he be able to do that? Simple, by transforming himself into a " human flesh”, change his name into “JESUS”, use his inherent powers to perform amazing miracles, act and teach righteousness (i.e., Satan actually thinks he is righteous not a sinner!),pretends that he is against evil and finally say that he and God are one!

In fact he did not really divided the kingdom of the demons but merely “rebuked” or asked them simply to leave! Did he fight or destroy the demons or the evil spirits when he has the chance to? NO! WHY? And will God Almighty who is greatly to be feared will ever humble Himself and die for the sinners and the wicked? Will GOD ever change or humble themselves and be spitted upon and beaten by the creatures He has created? THINK!!! IT’S ALL A DECEPTION!!!

Nothing could be further from the truth, the prophesied “Christ” was clearly named “Immanuel” not “Jesus” and that, a government will be upon his shoulder not sinners. Can you show any particular verse that “God loves the sinners” in the Old Testament Books and that He is going to save them? Isn’t it a fact that the opposite is quite the truth - that is, HE hated and destroys the sinners and the wicked from the very beginning? But He forgives and pardons anyone who had committed sins if they repent and be sorry.

Therefore, Jesus' claims that only thru him a sinner will be forgiven is completely untrue!

Also consider this: Did Jesus really actually give his life?

Didn’t he just simply gave a mere three days or a tiny fraction of his “life” which is in essence is everlasting?

What he did is to merely sleep for a few hours and the gullible people thought that he has given his entire life already! And isn’t it just a big lie by Jesus by saying that he is going to give his life for the people when in fact he knows beforehand that he will simply go to paradise and that he will rise again on the “third day” since he cannot die because he has eternal life?


“Man from the East”
(Former Christian Minister)